Planet Plankton

So, last night I wrote about wrapping up some loose ends. I wouldn’t bother to comment on it today as it was something that plankton could sort out, but, well, no… it cant be that easy – this is IVF land – nothing comes without a long ,hard slog in IVF land.


(A) 1 letter from a “super specialist on female bits” (perinatologist) giving the all clear.

(B) 1 lab report from this mornings scan to go to the elves in Colorado.

Get this and a thumbs up from the gourmet baby makers and we are good to go.

Timeline: Need to be done today to get all clear for stims tomorrow morning


(A) Mrs IVF met 4 weeks ago and has been dealing with sub plankton since trying to get this frikkin letter. Here’s how it plays out.. Mrs IVF enters stage left:

Mrs IVF – calls plankton at the super specialist office – “we faxed it:”… then Colorado Elves: “we didn’t get it”. Calls plankton: “yep – we sent it”. Mrs IVF “What number did you send it to?” Plank: “bla bla bla” Mango Princess: yep thats correct”… Calls Elves – “we still don’t have it”. Call Plankton “it doesn’t sound like a dr surgery when we fax” (not sure what the English translation of that planktonese comment is) . Mango: “Can you fax it to me?”. Plankton “no, against the rules, but we did fax it to your standard gyno”. (Enter standard gyno elf”… stage right) ” Do you have a fax from the plankton?” No”…. Mango calls Plankton, “we’ll fax it again, I’m walking to the machine to do it now”. Call Gyno elf “nope – still dont have it”.. Mrs IVF calls Mr IVF and updates in situation. Mr IVF feels that he should quit work for the day and walk this fcking thing around. Mrs IVF calls plankton – “we sent it”….call’s gyno elf and they now have it. “fax it to me please” says Mrs IVF. Mrs IVF gets fax (on 1st attempt!!) and faxes it to Mr IVF who jumps in and out of a few big meetings picks up the fax, turns it over and scans it back in as an email and emails it back to mrs IVF who emails it to the elves to avoid this fax fiasco. Elves are happy. Mrs IVF is shattered and exhausted.

(B) lab report. NJ clinic elf (our last Dr’s are helping us with scans locally) faxes report through to Colorado elf. Colorado elf rings mrs IVF, “didn’t get the scans”. “What scans? Thought you wanted the lab report?” Rings old elf, who says scans don’t fax well. Checks again with new elf. Oh no, we want the last page of the lab report, don’t need scans. Calls old elf, please re fax. New elf happy with new fax. Mission accomplished.

Mrs IVF is shattered and through all of this (through regular instant message updates) Mr IVF pauses for thought and thinks:

” We aren’t trying to build a nuclear reactor, build a 6 flags amusement park in North Korea, or even fine tune the last couple of tweaks to the plans for the next chunk of the international space station, we are just TRYING to get the opportunity to TRY and have a kid. We arent even at the drug stage yet, we haven’t really done anything yet, and at 4pm this afternoon with mintues running out of the IVF world’s day (which we all know shuts down at 4.30 with out fail), we could blow this whole thing up! (the timing’s we’ve tweaked, the $$ on logistics, the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ on the baby makers, the lot) and you know what – the fertiles don’t have a clue. They go to dinner, drink, poke, sleep and pee on a stick in a few weeks, and pop down to toys are us and build the baby gift registry. Job done.  We are struggling to even get to first base – fuck – 1st base… no, 1st base is too late in the scenario…. we cant even close the deal on a vacant block of land that we want to build a stadium on, recruit a team, deny they sleep with Madonna, join a baseball league, buy some uniforms, oh and a bat and ball and a few mitts, advertise to fans, arrange the merchandise, order the hot dogs and beers, find someone to play against, schedule a game and then get everyone there and THEN try and get to 1st base.

And after all that the baby makers came back with a question on the letter from the super specialist… “lets chat to them Monday…” oh boy……fck it – we’re going

Hey – thanks for the travel thoughts and well wishes!!! We have packed all the well wishes and we’re taking them with us!

One last thing… wwalking home tonight after all of this I saw a women from out of town who was completely lost on the subway in NY. She was really friendly, but a bit stressed so the response from NY’ers to help her was pretty amazing… 2 mins later I’m walking past an old woman (who I am pretty sure was homeless) who was laser focused on counting small change on a cardboard mat.. and walked on thinking about our day and these random instances and how we all need something.. directions… a meal.. a kid..  I walked back to the old woman and gave her $25. Her face lit up she crossed herself and beamed a smile. I walked away and checked back and she was now laser focused on counting her notes (with that grin). So while I guess we are going to Denver for our long period of help, it felt great to help someone NOW.


5 Responses

  1. Karma. That kindness paid will return to you in spades.

    Ugh, your description of the long-distance doctor communication sounds awful. Hopefully when you are out there, things will go more smoothly. It has to, right?

  2. Sorry to hear about the elf, plankton, etc. nightmare. Why does this all have to be so darned complicated? Good luck on your Colorado adventure. Definitely hoping you and the Mango Princess find some time to enjoy the area during the in-betweens. 🙂

  3. Once again you reiterate that, we the “patients” have to do all the lag work, all the research, all the CYA things that you think would could naturally through doctor IVF…but no. Thanks for sharing. My wife and I read your blog regularly. We wish the best!

  4. Thanks for the giggle! Loved the baseball analogy.


  5. […] nice steak dinner last nioght.  Pie – maybe you were right about your Karma call after all. ( Mrs IVF is hoping we didn’t just use up all our […]

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