Riding real rollercoasters


Orlando is a funny place. I am sure there is death, crime and lots of sub prime, but we didn’t see any of it. On the way to our hotel on the Friday night your humble scribe points out the front window of our fairyland chariot (aka taxi) and turns to Mrs IVF and sounding surprisingly like an excited 6 year old blurt out “look! Fireworks”…as cool as every Mrs IVF calmly responds “Fireworks are on every night down here, my love”… “ah yes I forgot, we are now in paradise. It looks like a reclaimed swamp, but this is the land of Disney, so it’s all about dreams and make believe. Cool.”

We had a nice couple of days away. The blackberry pretty much stayed untouched and the golf clubs got a good work, out so that is success. We hit Universal pretty hard on Sunday (fewer kids and more rides that the mouse house) and had a great day. I love how you can just go from one world to another and you are transformed. Rhode Island anybody? Sure – BAM – deal with a  sad rubber shark jumping out of the water, but you could be in Newport RI. Costa Rica or any other jungle on the planet? Sure – call it Jurassic park, and watch for the T-rex, but it’s as good as, and it’s only a 5 min walk from Rhode Island!

Someone needs to invent an IVF land with real rides. It would have to have the wildest roller coaster on the planet. They could model it on the “dueling dragons” ride they have at Universal. Its one of those coasters where your feet dangle and you do all sorts of loops, twists and turns, and it nearly slams you into the ground. I think the IVF version could differ in that say 50% of the time it WILL slam you into the ground at 100 miles an hr. That’s it, ride ends and you are left there trying to pick up the pieces of your life. Of course I would employ pregnant women (who got pregnant on their first whiff of sperm) to help you up and ask if they can help and say “have a nice day” a lot!

Of course there would also be the dark scary ride with those 3D glasses that looks like mother nature is hitting you with bricks but again, unless you have a special VIP card, its only a realistic looking ride, for VIP member (alas most of you, my fellow readers) the bricks are real. Boof. Have a nice day.

The one idea we really liked and would like to advance elsewhere in life generally is the express pass. $20 extra and you got prioirty access – one time only- to every ride. It was great and very useful later in the day. Imagine one of these on the bus home – guaranteed seat – or in traffic, your own lane ? or for kids? just pay someone $20 and all the guess work and best of all WAITING is out of the way. Done with a single premium ticket. Sadly, in many ways we are are in the slow line. Many of our friends will be coming around again for another go on the motherhood mothership ride and we have been standing here in line for years, (well before they even entered the parenthood park), trying to just get one ride. In fact, one of my more boneheaded friends, who knows our situation, likes to update me from time to time on the debate he and his wife are having over when to “try” for #2. Actually – that’s another premium card I’d like to buy – $20 to ban moronic and completely inappropriate comments / conversations from IVF neanderthals.

As for news on our own 3 year ride, today is the 4 week anniversary of retrieval so sometime in the next 2 weeks we should hear the news of how we went at microarray. There has been lots of terrible heart breaking news on the boards lately so I wouldn’t say our hopes are soaring.We really feel for so many of you, its amazing how involved you can get in someone elses story. Hang in there.

Back in la la land…at our hotel the other night the assistant in the shop was talking to another customer about where to eat with kids. The other customer left the shop and shop assistant says to me “oh, there are so many great places to eat if you don’t have the kids”. So yours truly perks up and says “fine, tell me where to dine”. Now with my Australian accent,I am often misunderstood, (in Starbucks once a” regular coffee” order got me a “Frappuchino” – I still can’t work that one out), so anyway, this shop assistant’s eyes open up wide and it appears somewhere in my “fine / dine” comment she misunderstand me and says”what? You have nine children?”

“Actually I have 11….”

Finally – I blurted out one of those pent up “if only you knew” stories in my head.

“but they are all frozen… so they aren’t too much of a burden..”

and with that, and the shop assistant just stunned into complete silence and, knowing that in my own perverse way this whole Cinderella scene of 11 kids will more than likely explode on us in an extremely messy way the coming week, I picked up my NY times, (with the IVF article on the front cover) and wandered off…..

Nothing is real in Orlando, its the intergalactic home of dreams, so I am fully qualified to have 11 kids if I want. Shit – we all are.

One quick post script. I have always hated rollercoasters, with a passion. Even before the 1st ride this weekend, death seemed close. I thought I could smell it, (but it turned out to be some form of cheese covered popcorn.) Now? hooked – love them ‘coasters! Maybe the season pass on our own IVF coaster has rubbed off or maybe I just needed a good rollercoaster ride on something I knew wouldn’t trash my life and really allow us a bit of escapism.

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5 Responses

  1. We got the call on the number of eggs that had fertilized (only 3) on the day the NYTimes article hit. If you noticed, there was a follow up in today’s (Monday’s) paper as well. I tried not to read it….. only positive thoughts…… right?!!!!!!

  2. Yep. If we could tap positive thoughts as some form of energy source, then the IVF world would be a huge power plant!!! Good luck with the kids

  3. Yes, I’d like the front-of-the-line pass, please. Which limits me from dumb comments, that’d be perfect. I’d even pay more than $20!

  4. Love Mouseworld! Growing up in California, Mouseland was a staple of summer fun for us. Yep, I didn’t realize the pitch black of space mountain would really be the ride of my IF life. Flying through a dark space at high speeds with glimmers of light….hmm. Regardless, I’m glad you got to step away from the Crackberry and have a nice few days with the Mrs. 😀

  5. just found your blog. love the ivf ride descriptions! and that you actually used the 11 kids line. i

    t is all so, so true.

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