Yesterday was a somewhat crazy day. For a start it was out 3rd wedding anniversary so I guess also our 3rd anniversary for trying to be parents. Yay, lets go nuts and order a large sprite!! I have my mother in town with us and for fun, we refinanced the house yesterday, so it was all go yesterday on many fronts.
We headed out to dinner last night and found we couldn’t get a table at our fav place so we wandered to another spot and had a good meal with sparkling mineral water!! (yep – go crazy). Thinking about it , I don’t think we have drunk booze for any of our anniversaries, maybe the first, but certainly not the last 2. We talked like it was any other day, but it’s just hard to think about new years resolutions, the year ahead, the year passed and anything else when you are a day out from a preg test. It’s like an enormous log jam in your life. At least tomorrow, as the thinking went, we could move our life on somewhat.
It was a frikkin freezing night in Hoboken last night (-22 C / -8 F) so we stopped in at CVS on the way home to (a) warm up and (b) get some of those preggas tests. We couldn’t decide which box so I picked up 3 boxes… “We are NOT getting 3 boxes, thats just ridiculous”… bursts Mrs IVF (and I add irritability to the preg symptoms watch list).. “Listen” I say, with a lightbulb going off in my head , “we should have done this a long time ago, overdose on pregnancy tests and guess what, we’ll test one, and then you know what, you’ll be pregnant, the rest are a waste of money and we can laugh as we throw the rest out. They call it Murphy’s law”. Mrs IVF saw logic in this so we headed to the bemused checkout chick and dumped the $50 charge on a pretty tired credit card.
We got home and watched telly for a bit then headed to bed. We couldn’t bring ourselves to test, thinking end of day (not good for preg tests) and a gut load of water from dinner would marginalize the results. “Bugger it, let’s do it” say Mrs IVF and we settle into position. We decided to test 2 different ones (why not, we just bought a pile of them). Digital first… flashing away with its windows style hour glass, then the one with the window we are looking for a second line on. I am staring between the two of them… looking, looking … frikkin 10 years passes.
In cycle 3 we had a chemical, I think the HSG reading was something like “4” and we agonised over a preg test that morning with the faintest of lines. Excutiating, but I feel I can tell line vs no line no matter how faint…
“I think I see a line” was all I could say. Mrs IVF comes springing across out 6ft by 4ft en suite and we stare at it. I quickly check the other sample. One word: pregnant. we check back to the 1st one, the line is getting darker, deffo a line there. I check back to the digital one. Still one word. We cry, we hug, we hug, we cry. I have never felt that way and I cannot put into words how it feels. After so long, we looked to have crossed the bridge.
Fast fwd to today…
Mrs IVF does another preg test, why not, this time with the cross. we get the cross. It seems so easy. It’s horrible how easy this can be if it’s the result you want. Atrocious actually.
We just got the call from a nurse at our old clinic where Mrs IVF is still has her blood work done, confirming the pregnancy and congratulating her and then I heard Mrs IVF say “we just transferred 2″… oh geez….I thought that line came up very fast last night and its a dark line! Mrs IVF asks for the HCG reading… “302”.. .which I have no idea how big that is (but know its big) but I know its over the 50 we need and nowhere near 4. Oh my gosh. I really just don’t what to type anymore.
There is one last thing I promised myself I would do if I ever got to this day and that is to sadly, end this blog, so this will be my final post around anything to do with progress etc. I will probably return if we don’t succeed from here. I will of course keep an eye on many of you who I have been following for years. But this is a game changer so I can’t keep posting. The 45,000 words I have dumped out here has been hard at times but always cathartic to help me get through this and your support, oh brilliant commenters amongst you, has been superb. Thankyou so much.
I owe you some posts over what we have done, how we did it, what it costs etc etc (see poll) that I didn’t feel comfortable writing about until we had had some success, so I will get on the case and get them posted. If you have a question you want a thought on, please post a comment
When I added the map recently I didn’t realise how far and wide people came form who read this. I have no great profound ending to this saga, just hang in there. If it can happen to us, veterans of 5 cycles, I really think it can happen for most. As I posted in a response earlier today to another blog, this is a cruel race, that you hope is a 400m, turns into a 1,500m, then a marathon, then an ultra marathon and the really horrible part is that you don’t even know if the race has a finish line. It is truly cruel.
Hardly my funniest post, I think I am just too all over the place at the moment. Best of luck, post a question if you want any thoughts, and thank you again so much for your support and comments.