Life on the other side of the bridge

After lots of thought, I have decided to pick up the keyboard and blog again… but I can’t blog here. I have a new site. The new site explains why I came back.

Mrs IVF is doing well and so far all is good. The “about” in the new site is pregnant news free and explains why I am back but the 1st post has a warning when you hit the update zone.

There is a lot more on the new site around my thinking, but I realize many of you won’t click over to the “butterfly” version of the Mr IVF “caterpillar” saga. Completely fine with that! I found reading pregnancy blogs hard sometimes, ok, a lot of the time, but some were just too damn good and I still wanted to know what was going on! No hard feelings at all from me though if we end the story here. As Arnie said “I’ll be back” if circumstance warrants it.

Hope all is well with you all in your own worlds and I hope that our story has given you some hope that even long-ish term sufferers like Mrs IVF and I , can get success out of IVF . (oh – and please keep fingers crossed for us – we are not there yet!)

http://mrinbetween.wordpress.com/

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Day 1,097: The result

Yesterday was a somewhat crazy day. For a start it was out 3rd wedding anniversary so I guess also our 3rd anniversary for trying to be parents. Yay, lets go nuts and order a large sprite!! I have my mother in town with us and for fun, we refinanced the house yesterday, so it was all go yesterday on many fronts.

We headed out to dinner last night and found we couldn’t get a table at our fav place so we wandered to another spot and had a  good meal with sparkling mineral water!! (yep – go crazy). Thinking about it , I don’t think we have drunk booze for any of our anniversaries, maybe the first, but certainly not the last 2.  We talked like it was any other day, but it’s just hard to think about new years resolutions, the year ahead, the year passed and anything else when you are a day out from a preg test. It’s like an enormous log jam in your life. At least tomorrow, as the thinking went, we could move our life on somewhat.

It was a frikkin freezing night in Hoboken last night (-22 C / -8 F) so we stopped in at CVS on the way home to (a) warm up and (b) get some of those preggas tests. We couldn’t decide which box so I picked up 3 boxes… “We are NOT getting 3 boxes, thats just ridiculous”… bursts Mrs IVF (and I add irritability to the preg symptoms watch list).. “Listen” I say, with a lightbulb going off in my head , “we should have done this a long time ago, overdose on pregnancy tests and guess what, we’ll test one, and then you know what, you’ll be pregnant, the rest are a waste of money and we can laugh as we throw the rest out. They call it Murphy’s law”. Mrs IVF saw logic in this so we headed to the bemused checkout chick and dumped  the $50 charge on a pretty tired credit card.

We got home and watched telly for a bit then headed to bed. We couldn’t bring ourselves to test, thinking end of day (not good for preg tests) and a gut load of water from dinner would marginalize the results. “Bugger it, let’s do it” say Mrs IVF and we settle into position. We decided to test 2 different ones (why not, we just bought a pile of them). Digital first… flashing away with its windows style hour glass, then the one with the window we are looking for a second line on. I am staring between the two of them… looking, looking … frikkin 10 years passes.

In cycle 3 we had a chemical, I think the HSG reading was something like “4” and we agonised over a preg test that morning with the faintest of lines. Excutiating, but I feel  I can tell line vs no line no matter how faint…

“I think I see a line” was all I could say. Mrs IVF comes springing across out 6ft by 4ft en suite and we stare at it. I quickly check the other sample. One word: pregnant. we check back to the 1st one, the line is getting darker, deffo a line there. I check back to the digital one. Still one word. We cry, we hug, we hug, we cry. I have never felt that way and I cannot put into words how it feels. After so long, we looked to have crossed the bridge.

Fast fwd to today…

Mrs IVF does another preg test, why not, this time with the cross. we get the cross. It seems so easy. It’s horrible how easy this can be if it’s the result you want. Atrocious actually.

We just got the call from a nurse at our old clinic where Mrs IVF is still has her blood work done, confirming the pregnancy and congratulating her and then I heard Mrs IVF say “we just transferred 2″… oh geez….I thought that line came up very fast last night and its a dark line! Mrs IVF asks for the HCG reading… “302”.. .which I have no idea how big that is (but know its big) but I know its over the 50 we need and nowhere near 4. Oh my gosh. I really just don’t what to type anymore.

There is one last thing I promised myself I would do if I ever got to this day and that is to sadly, end this blog, so this will be my final post around anything to do with progress etc. I will probably return if we don’t succeed from here. I will of course keep an eye on many of you who I have been following for years. But this is a game changer so I can’t keep posting. The 45,000 words I have dumped out here has been hard at times but always cathartic to help me get through this and your support, oh brilliant commenters amongst you, has been superb. Thankyou so much.

I owe you some posts over what we have done, how we did it, what it costs etc etc  (see poll) that I didn’t feel comfortable writing about until we had had some success, so I will get on the case and get them posted. If you have a question you want a thought on, please post a comment

When I added the map recently I didn’t realise how far and wide people came form who read this. I have no great profound ending to this saga, just hang in there. If it can happen to us, veterans of 5 cycles, I really think it can happen for most. As I posted in a response earlier today to another blog, this is a cruel race, that you hope is a 400m, turns into a 1,500m, then a marathon, then an ultra marathon and the really horrible part is that you don’t even know if the race has a finish line. It is truly cruel.

Hardly my funniest post, I think I am just too all over the place at the moment. Best of luck, post a question if you want any thoughts, and thank you again so much for your support and comments.

Mr IVF

Chi and crackers at the baby factory

Hi ICLW’ers. Welcome to the twisted humor / humour of a rare male blogger who does his best to support  Mrs IVF through our 5th IVF cycle (with no luck to date, but we transferred today, so we’ll see). The “about” explains where we came from. I write too much and spell badly, but my heart is in the right place I guess.

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Ever been at a turning point in life where something suddenly strikes you that going forward every day will be different? Maybe it’s the last day at school, or a day you move away from home, or if like Mrs IVF and I you are moving countries and you know things will be different, (or the day Mrs IVF and I went out our 1st date – after that I knew I found someone I wanted to marry and commit to a period of IVF hell, arent I nice?) Anyway, this feeling is like life dragging you somewhere else and “here” isn’t where you will be any more. Today it struck me that maybe, just maybe, life might take us somewhere else, away from IVF. Maybe we can cross this bridge. Maybe.

Today was transfer day, and what a coin toss of a day all day. On the surface things went very well, but there is ying and yang all around you. Maybe I was just sensitive to it today. I drove like a grandpa down to the baby clinic this am and Mrs IVF sat there surprisingly quietly, just squeezing three of my fingers over and again. Then she would squeeze them like she was trying to strangle them, then stop, the repeat the whole thing. She barely remembers it. Poor thing. She was stressed. 2 hrs before the baby wizards (embryologist) called and wanted to know how many they wanted to pull out of the esky / chilly bin / ice box / freezer. We went with 2, as pretty widely broadcasted by now. Mrs IVF was worried about their health. I, on the other hand, was completely chilled, there was nothing else to do. At the risk of clogging this blog with yet another analogy, if we were sky diving today, we have left the plane, we were free falling. We have done everything we can think of to make this right. Mrs IVF has done every drug, patch, insert, jab on time, we have been off booze, caffeine etc for so long it doesn’t even register anymore. Nothing more to do, enjoy the view as you plummet towards earth before the parachute opens. Mrs IVF was worrying that the chute wouldn’t open, I was talking in the view for once.

As we waited in the foyer of the baby factory, a couple came in and wanted their medical records on the spot, “sorry sir, 3 weeks”, “can’t I just xerox now…”, in my mind, people don’t move records fast unless not happy with something. A yang moment. Next min a woman arrived with the cutest, well behaved 3-4 year old girl. Mum was in for ultrasound, so I suspect Little Miss Lovely was a product of the baby factory herself. A ying moment. How lovely. Mrs IVF sat there in her own world pumping away on my fingers…. Next we headed in for bloodwork, Mrs IVF almost ran in as if to speed this whole thing up…from another room I head  ” I did a test this morning and it was negative but I was wondering as I am flying out on Thursday if …..” Yang moment… Mrs IVF pops out of bloodwork and I hang out while she does a bit of bladder mgmt (critical for transfer days as many of you know) and Little Miss Lovely pops around the corners with her mum again….. ying… The baby factory is such a lay line of happiness or complete despair… this dichotomy is  everywhere and its done with such calm, no raised voices, a nice waterfall in the foyer. It’s like nothing is going on, a fertile would not see any of this, but to the sub fertile its a world of hopes, amazing results and shattered dreams.

We headed to the 2nd floor where all the serious work happens (downstairs is just offices and ultrasounds, upstairs is all the procedure rooms – yes – inc the porn parlour). We headed into our room and, like the retrieval, I thought this was just a prep zone, where at some point Mrs IVF would be whisked away and at the end of some secret procedure they just fedex her back to me or something (like prior clinics), but I soon found out everything is done in the one room.

1st we had the acupuncture guru appear. It wasnt the oracle, it was her little sister but she still had cool oracle lines like …”let me just tweak these pressure points to ensure the chi / she / cheese keeps flowing”. Very oracle-ish. So we did around 25 mins of pre game acupuncture with some lovely soothing music. A picture of calm from all angles.(Note – “we” means I sat there invisibly in the corner, while Mrs IVF was looked after).

 Next, the elf (nurse) appears and give us the game play for the day, what we need to do and not do later, and drops Mrs IVF a Valium. Mrs IVF turns to me and says “I think these pills don’t really affect someone like me, I am pretty chilled anyway, they would really have an impact on a guys like you who bounce off the walls”…..her increasingly glossy (but still gorgeous) eyes were telling me a slightly different story, dear reader.

Next up was the sonographer (or ultrasound elf in Mr IVF speak). Lovely no nonsence woman who checked out the bladder situation. We were overfull so we can “empty a cupload”. Mrs IVF, anxious about only doing a “half wee”, but keen to avoid the bed pan later, went for the half wee option and came back beaming with the new bladder control half wee skill she never knew she had and reckons I should give it a go. Hey – party time in our hotel room tonight!!! Woo Hoo!

Then things get towards the main event. Time for the wizards to drop in. These folks are the behind the scenes magicians you really don’t see that much of.  They have amazing jobs. They make children for a living. There are 2 things they measure when you wake the kids up from the icebox:  hurdle 1: how many cells survived (hello !?!?- no one told me they die off a bit?). They want anything above a 75% survival. We scored a 95% and 98%! Nice work team. hurdle 2: are the kids stagnant, growing nicely, going off like Tiger woods at the match.com christmas party? we got 2 “growing nicelys”, which they said is excellent. Mrs IVF was silent, but you could see the relief. The parachute opened.

The wizard and baby maker (Dr) decided to defrost the 4AA and a 5AB (Here’s a post explaining how blast grading works: https://misterivf.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/final-biopsy-results/)

From checking with Mrs IVF speadsheet here is the gradings of the 6 that passed mircoarray:

5AB, 4AA, 6BA, 3 with a 4BB

So I was surprised they didn’t go with the 6BA so I checked with the wizard. She says they choose the 1st letter (the quality of what will be the embryo) as the top grading criteria. So the 5AB and 4AA got the nod. Mrs IVF was back on her game now. “Oh, so thats embryo #13 and #15, got it”… “wow”, says the wizard “thats right”. Mrs IVF appears to have memorised the ordering of the kids from her embryo spreadsheet. Bless her. I hope we find better names for them one day, (“#13 clean your room!!!” doesnt really work well and the playground bullies will have a field day). From checking back over the spreadsheet Mr / Ms 5AB was also the 12 cell monster we had at day three (when we should be around 8 cells)….. well enough, can you disect this any further, I think not?

A bit after 11.15 then whole gang is in the room, we have the ultrasound elf, the baby maker himself, the elf,  the radient (yet a tad glossy) Mrs IVF, the non joke cracking Mr IVF in the corner amazed by all of this and the wizards has returned with the most impressive machine I have ever seen. This thing – the baby transporter – is a full on incubator (complete with these gloved hand holes like you see on the Simpsons in the radioactive part of the nuclear reactor). On the side are two unmarked canister of something, probbaly oxygen and something else that is cooler like “baby grow juice”. There is a big monitor on top and all sorts of big words on it that I can’t remember but probably said something like  “BABY MAKER – STAND CLEAR AT ALL TIMES. NO STANDING”. In the middle of this contraption is a huge microscope that has a gentle soothing beam of like from it shining down on a small dish. Its by far the brightest light in the room, which is quite fitting. Its like looking at one of those si fi movies where if you can take the petri disc out of the light, then you will cause a thermonuclear reaction across the whole death star and take out Lord Vader and the rest of the dark side. If only we can get that one good shot at the energy core… stay on target… stay on target…..

Anyway – Mrs IVF was whisked into position and we went through the whole “say your name” bit, which was good. Not only did they have the right Mrs IVF, but they had the right Mr IVF as well – but not sure why I go so many strange looks for saying my name (no – I didn’t do it, this is not the place for humor / humour folks).

Soon the wizard had a needle the size of your forearm (in length not width!!) and with the steadiest hand I have ever seen, passed it to the baby maker who did his injection in seconds and the whole deal was done while we all stare at a TV screen that looked like a whole lot of static to an untrained eye (that would be my eye and not his thank hevens!). Gloves off, legs down, head tilted downhill, best wishes to you both, and Mrs IVF is officially up the duff.

The elf checked in to see if the bed pan was required (which it wasn’t) so  we got the oracles prodigy back again for another session of chi / she / cheese with the needles Mrs IVF drifted off for a snooze with another round of calming mongolian throat gurgling from the CD player.

After an hr of rest, Mrs IVF was wheel chaired to the car where, in recliner mode, I drove like my grandpa’s grapdapa back to our hotel 5 mins away and this is where Mrs IVF has been bed based ever since. She will stay there until Wednesday.

As the ultrasound elf said, maybe this bed rest is “voodoo” but hey, can it hurt? “No” says Mrs IVF, remembering how nice it is to be looked after.

So there it is folks. 2 in and all went as well as we can expect. Preggo test next Wednesday. 30th Dec.

I called family tonight giving them updates. My darling, but somewhat blunt, sister  summed up the ying and yang in my head today with one of her trademark oneliners: “Look, I am sick of the crap going on in this world. I have friends with crap marriages and nightmare lives,  for me work sucks, and things are tough and well, there is just a lot of shit going on, so you know what, we need more good in this world so you need kids, thats how we fix this world, lets get more good in it. Time to start a new decade and write this one off, and thats how we’re going to fix the bad, inject more good, you need kids.” With that, she hung up and I thought, “I could live with that.”

Lining up the lining

What a weird day

So we went for the scan. Mrs IVF, the coolest IVF customer ever, self-declared her stress level in the car on the way down was 1 (10 being highest). “Guess I need a bit of stress” she says. Getting out of the car, for once we thought that by the time we got back into the vehicle, we wold know where we stood. Finally a quick decision in IVF land.

We went in for the scan and I am sure this is not done deliberately but the TV hanging from the ceiling has readings in about font pitch 2. So we couldn’t see a thing. The mango princess was all over it. “What’s the reading?” she blurts, with stress probably raising to a 1.5 level. “7MM” says the nurse. She twists and turns that dildo cam thing and even publicly declares “I am trying to measure the biggest bit” but 7MM it will be after 2-3 attempts. The heart is back in the mouth. We need to go to the video judge.

Next test: ute blood flow. On the 1 day workup it was found that the blood flow to Mrs IVF’s ute was too high / intense (previously never diagnosed). She was topping 5.6 or so (they want under 3) so she has been off to the oracle (both here and in NJ) to try electro acupuncture to get that puppy sorted. Today – around 2.5 – both side. So result!

Next test: blood. The estrogen readings recently had been ok but not great. 419 two weeks ago and then 413 last week, (so good but not great)Today she was 1,100, which our chief elf commented when she called later was an excellent result.

So, we hung around for a bit, see if there was any kids we could hug for a while (not likely at the waiting room at CCRM, although you do see them occasionally), Mrs IVF got a swine flu shot and then we headed back to the car, none the wiser on what happens next.

With nothing better to do than wait (again), we headed down to the post office, (we needed to post some Christmas cards). We had used some cards we had bought before we moved to the US and I  bought some new ones in London recently that were really nice so we just wanted some stamps for these. Christmas card sending “went IVF” on us.  i.e Something you thought would be quick and painless and a tick on this list (aka reproductive sex) actually turned into a dragged out nightmare. Some cards (and I am talking something like 4″ square) were deemend “parcels” due to their size. Ok – charge me an extra 10 cents, but as they were going international, they needed a customs declaration. So thats something new for the folks back home  – customs declaration on the chrissy cards. Other cards were “too small to post” so we had to put those in festive season (not) post office envelopes and then readdress everything. So all our friends will now think we are freaks, well, probably just confirmed it. Through all this,  my fertile buddy, (who just announced their second pregnancy) pops into my head. I think how he just got a root (note: Mrs IVF thinks that “root” wont be well known so I will eaborate ” he had sexual intercourse”) and is now lapping me with his second kid, while we are somewhere in Denver, worried about uterus lining and writing customs declaration on christmas cards and just briefly I paused and thought “what the fuck is going on with my life? How did we get here again?”

Lunch, and its quick rice bowl from a local chinese place. With Mrs IVF knocking off all my broccoli (go lining go!) and we sat there reviewing the lining options. Green light and we are on: Yay! But 7MM isn’t great so do we want to “invest 2 embryos?” if it’s a borderline scenario.. Red light we stop. Really annoyed at the waste of time again, but we go skiing and we basically soak Mrs IVF in a estrogen bath from day one next month and hope it improves (it cant get worse right?). We came away thinking that to be honest, either decision could sit ok with us. 

We wrap up the meal, get the bill, and a fortune cookie arrives. Oh, this could be interesting.  Mrs IVF’s read “next year buy your christmas card in the US, ok?” and mine was slightly less clear …”There will be many surprises: unexpected gains are likely”. This is now being carried around in my wallet. Did I mention that this was turning out to be a weird day?

We needed a dose of ying and a chance to hang out with kids and “pick up the vibe” so we headed to the zoo. Fun afternoon. We got close to kids without looking like freaks, but to be honest, Mrs IVF loves her animals so it was certainly good ying…. but the call, where was the call….

So we are hanging out with the elephants and the calls come…. and here we go again…. “oh, hi.,… yes…” time just stops  again for us” so, we are on then, excellent news” says Mrs IVF learning that verbalization of such things is very useful to the wingman. A huge smile appears on my beautiful wifes face and you know what, it was hugely infectious. We are on to the IVF superbowl!!! We made the final round. Mr / Mrs IVF vs mother nature and her bricks. Game on. Bloodwork thursday, transfer set for Monday. Preggo test 30th Dec. Lets finish this year on a high note.

We switch drugs now. Tonight was the last lupron, Mrs IVF keeps on the Estrogen patches, estrace up the wazoo and she starts the progesterone (wazoo), tetracycline and medrol  tomorrow.

Thanks for your thoughts and responses I am sure that counted for a mm or 2.

Can we get over the line(ing)?

Right, back in Denver and it’s all very deja vu, even down to only being 1 room away from where we stayed last time. We have been on a lining blitz, but we are complete amateurs, we really try to do the right thing, but who knows.

Today we went and saw The Oracle again.  I am sure I have mentioned The Oracle before but I cant find the post. Anyway, this woman, just like her name sake  in The Matrix is completely unassuming but has an air of all knowing in an incredibly disarming way. She is the acupuncturist, but deep down I think she is something bigger, potentially a god, who is just hanging around on earth in a simple office in the back of Colorado somewhere bringing her ‘erbs and somewhat magical knowledge to mere mortals.  You think you go to the oracle for a quick session of acupuncture, but you are really going for a lesson on life, except you just don’t know it until you leave.

Before Mrs IVF went in for her session today we had a fairly typical acupuncture type rundown with The Oracle, with tongue showings (Mrs IVF no one else) and a few tips on do and don’t. Tongue was ok, but the leg crossing was a no no, blocks major arteries and destroys your personal chop suey or feng shui or something. We discussed the diet and were told to avoid soy (oh whoops – so much for chinese last night!) as, well, that will give you estrogen, but you only have so many receptors in your body and yes these receptors will pick up soy from a bit of a stir fry but thats low grade compared to what you are sticking in your vajayjay and absorbing from the patches (oh man – low grade estrogen? – we are so out of our league on this stuff).

When Mrs IVF went in for her session I continued to download from The Oracle. So much to learn. So ying and yang. We are in a ying phase – calming, nurtuing, loving, motherly, massages, yoga, calming music, bla bla bla. We need to keep the ying high, (so much for ying and yang evening each other out!)… yang, well yang seems to be where I spend my life, it’s the testosterone side of things, kickboxing, blokeville etc. Every chick has her yang moments, but now, oh learned readers, we need to be ying. Bugger – kickboxing for Mrs IVF probably not great then?

Heres another. Ladies, want to get pregnant? go and find a baby and hold it, hang out with kids. Your body reacts to this. The Oracle says that women who live together over time have their periods converge (which even I knew) but didn’t know that holding a baby can kick off a the whole “chick system”. (So at least that explain something for me. As  I hold cheeseburger, I now know why I get fatter, it’s all the proximity stuff. Suddenly, its all so clearn now!) So – next time you are out with a fertile and really are dreading it, grab that kid and rub it all over you (without looking like a nutbag)… straight from the oracle. She would know. So get baby sitting people, your uterus needs you.

So I learnt a fair amount, but she ends off with this ” you just have to hope at the end, there really is no right answer”. What an oracle-ish thing to say.

So I spent time in The Oracles waiting room downloading calming relaxing music on my phone as the oracle dispensed her wisdom. (note Mrs IVF has passed out on the lounge tonight listening to a recording of a fireplace crackling away, so there’s a result!)

Tomorrow is scan day, so this is where we see if this is the end of cycle 5 or not. Over 7 mm please. Oracle not happy with 6mm so did some special job on Mrs IVF’s guts tonight, (nearly as good as what the white bean soup did to my guts at a later dinner). The good news from talking to the oracle is that she very very very rarely sees people who don’t ever cycle from poor lining (and sorry dear reader if you are one of these poor folks) as they just cancel the cycle and hit you with skud missiles of drugs next month to get you over the line next month, (or so I believe). SO, if we aren’t over the line, we just go skiing and if we are, then our journey across the rickety bridge continues.

Side note: If coming to Denver (maybe for a holiday or to see or make family?) go to a place called table 6 for dinner. Great little spot. Excellent food, don’t ask about the wine menu (no idea), but as we wrapped up a great meal last night sitting next to us was one of gods reps (a priest, not an angle) having a nice meal with a mate. They were chugging a beer! So I am even being out drunk by the lords reps. I have to be close to a low point on who can out drink me these days.

Wish us luck. See you on the other side of this. Lets hope the pond scum smoothie (plus everything else) did the trick.

We mightn’t even make the bridge…

How can we fall off a rickety bridge we haven’t even got onto yet? I’ll tell you, ute lining. We went for a scan this morning and Mrs IVF pulled a 6.4mm lining reading when the min they want is 8mm. hmmm. (Mrs IVF even politely asked for a re scan. alas,no better). Our beloved mango princess then emailed our elf at the baby factory this AM and got a response back she’d speak with the baby maker. Stay tuned readers.

Since when in life did 1.6mm make a difference? I know it does here, but in your day to day life, how much does a few millimeters make a difference on anything? Take a few mm off my no caffeine tea? or make my commute 1.6mm longer or take another 1.6mm of cash out of my bank account to fix this lack of kid problem. Just give us a few more millimeters of lining please oh great lining giver? 

So here’s the mental image for today. We are standing in IVF land ready to start the journey to the land of parenthood. The backpacks are on and loaded with all sorts of emotions, patches, drugs, needles, suppositories etc etc  and we have repositioned our hearts from chest cavity to sleeve (where they can of course get damaged that much more easily).

We are all packed and heading for the bridge. Small steps, no rush, dont want to trip but at the same time, LETS GET IT ON!, we see the bridge, we see happy pregnant people and parents on the other side of the bridge, they are waving at us, egging us on telling us how wonderful it is, and that they know we can do it!, we see green grass, rainbows, happy smiling people, facebook pages with 10,000 photos, family picnics, happy grandparents.(ok – we know there is a  grotty side to kids, but that must be back further in parent land somewhere, we can’t see it as we are transfixed by this oasis, we are so parched and really want to drink from the other side of this bridge.)

We look at each other, we are beaming, we can do this, we know this bridge, we know the rickety bits, we have been in training, we’ve taken extra precautions to ensure we are ready to develop our frozen kiddies. So many drugs, so much time, timetables, everything, no probs, we are all over it. Its time to move on…..

Then we trip on a rock right under our nose that we didnt see coming and we have lost balance, we could fall over flat on our face this afternoon in the dust bowl we live in or we could regain balance and move on… . Either way, yet again, we are shaken, this process has delivered yet another random twist, and you know what, we are just fed up.

Anyone tripped on this rock and stayed on their feet?

Heading for the rickety bridge

Don’t fear, I am over the jet lag and crazy “world free of IVF” posts and am back to normal, alas my dry-old-jealous of-fertile-people self.

Apologies for the long delay between posts – I know the 5 of you who follow me must be beside yourself looking for an update- but the Hoboken Hilton (i.e. Mr and Mrs IVF base camp) has been rammed with guests from Australia. Damn that useless weak American dollar.

Actually seeing fam and friends is good we just need a break between them.. .our mate Nate, then dad, then my aunt and a mate of hers, a week or so “free” with Mission Denver and then mum meets up with us for Christmas. So today is the first gap in a while with my aunt, (or to pronounce that in American: “ant”) ,out of town for the weekend, Mr IVF is back (briefly).

The lovely Mrs IVF, the ever positive Mango Princess of my life, is storming through our baby quest challenge with her consistent resolve to land this kid thing once and for all, and what a few weeks its been. She has been avoiding chocolate as we did a food tours Greenwich Village with guests (cruel, very cruel on her), she avoided aussie chocolate and wine (and aussie chocolate is awesome) that our guests bring (time and time again) she has been shooting Lupron up in toilets as we have been out for dinner, (always at 9.30 – must keep to the clock!), sneaking into our bedroom to do likewise while I chortle with the guests over a bit of Karmel Sutra Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in the lounge….It has been tricky. But she remains laser focused and generally unfazed. Amazing. I would be a loon by now.

She is also on such a busy timeline of drugs, patches and “thing you put in your bits” (and I am not talking ice cream here people) that air traffic control at JFK would be easier to keep an eye on that this.  Checking over her mind boggling calendar, she has had to do 105 things to herself since oct 22nd – 43 days. So at least 2 things a day. She has been on birth control pills, Vivelle (which soulds like a type of ice cream… what is it with the ice cream theme tonight?), patches for estrogen (ranging from 1 every 2 days to now 4 every 2 days.. and she is running of out space where she hasnt slapped one on), Asprin (why not), Viagra “bullets”, and of course you need a needle of something, so why not our old mate Lupron. Today was a 4 patch switch over day, an AM asprin, an 8am, 1pm, 6pm and the pending 11pm viagra and of course 5ml of lupron to wrap things up. I thought she would be all chilled and bored with this but the viagra suppositories are like a magic trick to her, they are solid when they go in, but she never ceases to be amazed that they just keep dissapearing. Enough, this is starting to freak me out.

Clearly Mr IVF is not playing any Barry Manalow CD’s around the master bedroom these days, in fact I am on a 9 month ban. (yes months and yes, 9.)

I think Mrs IVF’s drug day peaks around Thursday next week so try this for a hobby… Vivelle patch refresh (quantity yet to be determined) in the morning, followed by asprin, will take some blood, endometrin (progesterone) in the AM sometime, Tetracycline at 8am (fck knows what this is – wikipedia says it treats acne, which Mrs IVF doesnt have), Endometrin at noon, tetra again at 1pm, then 6pm then some medrol  (wiki: supression on inflamation?) in the evening and then 1 more tetracycline at bed time. Why not. When does she get time to do any work I ask you, dear reader.

Anyway – we are ramping up again and heading for the bridge of hope. It’s safe here in IVF land. You know your current kid free life sucks, but it is sort of pain free (well as pain free as it ever has been) but you are not going out looking to have your heart ripped out.  As we walk on the rickety old bridge across “heartbreak canyon” next week in our quest to get to parentville, we will be putting ourselves back out there for the risk of emotional catastrophy. It’s safe here, we wont have kids where we sit today (well not more that 5 day old icicles which is a bit useless really, you would like a bit more interaction from your kids than that) so we need to do the bridge. While our friends around us fly over this canyon in no time on their freshly build, 100% sturdy concrete 4 lane freeways, we take the tricky, painful slow walk across the shaky bridge further down the valley from them. They cant see out bridge from their position as they blindly cruse up to parentville like it buying a coffee from starbucks and of course they would never take our path, who would, but we cant take theirs, so we have no other option. Wish us well for our emotional journey, we are off to try again after falling into the canyon 4 times and climbing back up the cliffs to the bizarre but unfulfilling “home” of IVF land. What a shitty outcrop in life to live, so its time to head to the mountains to see if we can grow our gourmet, hand made in the mountains, kiddies into real little princesses and nut bags.

We fly out of Gotham City Sat 12th. Trf is 14th. Mrs IVF is doing the limbo for 3 days then we are heading to Park City Utah (over 2 days) where Mr IVF is planning to lose the battery on his blackberry as he skis and Mrs IVF will lay low and take it easy and have her 1st holiday for the year. 23rd December is preggo test day… the day we fall in the canyon (again) or the day we know we have a decent chance of getting to the other side for once. Here we go, wish us luck.

Dear blogroll and crew – will catchup on your posts in the coming days. Hard to read about IVF with the guests  – dont want to give away our secret life now do we. Considering we have nothing but water & juice in the house , Mrs IVF, a well known sweet tooth, on no chocolate and neither of us on booze I am sure our guests think that a couple of late 30’s arent sending out “we cant have kids” signs anyway.

Chow for now

Mr IVF