Day 1,097: The result

Yesterday was a somewhat crazy day. For a start it was out 3rd wedding anniversary so I guess also our 3rd anniversary for trying to be parents. Yay, lets go nuts and order a large sprite!! I have my mother in town with us and for fun, we refinanced the house yesterday, so it was all go yesterday on many fronts.

We headed out to dinner last night and found we couldn’t get a table at our fav place so we wandered to another spot and had a  good meal with sparkling mineral water!! (yep – go crazy). Thinking about it , I don’t think we have drunk booze for any of our anniversaries, maybe the first, but certainly not the last 2.  We talked like it was any other day, but it’s just hard to think about new years resolutions, the year ahead, the year passed and anything else when you are a day out from a preg test. It’s like an enormous log jam in your life. At least tomorrow, as the thinking went, we could move our life on somewhat.

It was a frikkin freezing night in Hoboken last night (-22 C / -8 F) so we stopped in at CVS on the way home to (a) warm up and (b) get some of those preggas tests. We couldn’t decide which box so I picked up 3 boxes… “We are NOT getting 3 boxes, thats just ridiculous”… bursts Mrs IVF (and I add irritability to the preg symptoms watch list).. “Listen” I say, with a lightbulb going off in my head , “we should have done this a long time ago, overdose on pregnancy tests and guess what, we’ll test one, and then you know what, you’ll be pregnant, the rest are a waste of money and we can laugh as we throw the rest out. They call it Murphy’s law”. Mrs IVF saw logic in this so we headed to the bemused checkout chick and dumped  the $50 charge on a pretty tired credit card.

We got home and watched telly for a bit then headed to bed. We couldn’t bring ourselves to test, thinking end of day (not good for preg tests) and a gut load of water from dinner would marginalize the results. “Bugger it, let’s do it” say Mrs IVF and we settle into position. We decided to test 2 different ones (why not, we just bought a pile of them). Digital first… flashing away with its windows style hour glass, then the one with the window we are looking for a second line on. I am staring between the two of them… looking, looking … frikkin 10 years passes.

In cycle 3 we had a chemical, I think the HSG reading was something like “4” and we agonised over a preg test that morning with the faintest of lines. Excutiating, but I feel  I can tell line vs no line no matter how faint…

“I think I see a line” was all I could say. Mrs IVF comes springing across out 6ft by 4ft en suite and we stare at it. I quickly check the other sample. One word: pregnant. we check back to the 1st one, the line is getting darker, deffo a line there. I check back to the digital one. Still one word. We cry, we hug, we hug, we cry. I have never felt that way and I cannot put into words how it feels. After so long, we looked to have crossed the bridge.

Fast fwd to today…

Mrs IVF does another preg test, why not, this time with the cross. we get the cross. It seems so easy. It’s horrible how easy this can be if it’s the result you want. Atrocious actually.

We just got the call from a nurse at our old clinic where Mrs IVF is still has her blood work done, confirming the pregnancy and congratulating her and then I heard Mrs IVF say “we just transferred 2″… oh geez….I thought that line came up very fast last night and its a dark line! Mrs IVF asks for the HCG reading… “302”.. .which I have no idea how big that is (but know its big) but I know its over the 50 we need and nowhere near 4. Oh my gosh. I really just don’t what to type anymore.

There is one last thing I promised myself I would do if I ever got to this day and that is to sadly, end this blog, so this will be my final post around anything to do with progress etc. I will probably return if we don’t succeed from here. I will of course keep an eye on many of you who I have been following for years. But this is a game changer so I can’t keep posting. The 45,000 words I have dumped out here has been hard at times but always cathartic to help me get through this and your support, oh brilliant commenters amongst you, has been superb. Thankyou so much.

I owe you some posts over what we have done, how we did it, what it costs etc etc  (see poll) that I didn’t feel comfortable writing about until we had had some success, so I will get on the case and get them posted. If you have a question you want a thought on, please post a comment

When I added the map recently I didn’t realise how far and wide people came form who read this. I have no great profound ending to this saga, just hang in there. If it can happen to us, veterans of 5 cycles, I really think it can happen for most. As I posted in a response earlier today to another blog, this is a cruel race, that you hope is a 400m, turns into a 1,500m, then a marathon, then an ultra marathon and the really horrible part is that you don’t even know if the race has a finish line. It is truly cruel.

Hardly my funniest post, I think I am just too all over the place at the moment. Best of luck, post a question if you want any thoughts, and thank you again so much for your support and comments.

Mr IVF

Chi and crackers at the baby factory

Hi ICLW’ers. Welcome to the twisted humor / humour of a rare male blogger who does his best to support  Mrs IVF through our 5th IVF cycle (with no luck to date, but we transferred today, so we’ll see). The “about” explains where we came from. I write too much and spell badly, but my heart is in the right place I guess.

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Ever been at a turning point in life where something suddenly strikes you that going forward every day will be different? Maybe it’s the last day at school, or a day you move away from home, or if like Mrs IVF and I you are moving countries and you know things will be different, (or the day Mrs IVF and I went out our 1st date – after that I knew I found someone I wanted to marry and commit to a period of IVF hell, arent I nice?) Anyway, this feeling is like life dragging you somewhere else and “here” isn’t where you will be any more. Today it struck me that maybe, just maybe, life might take us somewhere else, away from IVF. Maybe we can cross this bridge. Maybe.

Today was transfer day, and what a coin toss of a day all day. On the surface things went very well, but there is ying and yang all around you. Maybe I was just sensitive to it today. I drove like a grandpa down to the baby clinic this am and Mrs IVF sat there surprisingly quietly, just squeezing three of my fingers over and again. Then she would squeeze them like she was trying to strangle them, then stop, the repeat the whole thing. She barely remembers it. Poor thing. She was stressed. 2 hrs before the baby wizards (embryologist) called and wanted to know how many they wanted to pull out of the esky / chilly bin / ice box / freezer. We went with 2, as pretty widely broadcasted by now. Mrs IVF was worried about their health. I, on the other hand, was completely chilled, there was nothing else to do. At the risk of clogging this blog with yet another analogy, if we were sky diving today, we have left the plane, we were free falling. We have done everything we can think of to make this right. Mrs IVF has done every drug, patch, insert, jab on time, we have been off booze, caffeine etc for so long it doesn’t even register anymore. Nothing more to do, enjoy the view as you plummet towards earth before the parachute opens. Mrs IVF was worrying that the chute wouldn’t open, I was talking in the view for once.

As we waited in the foyer of the baby factory, a couple came in and wanted their medical records on the spot, “sorry sir, 3 weeks”, “can’t I just xerox now…”, in my mind, people don’t move records fast unless not happy with something. A yang moment. Next min a woman arrived with the cutest, well behaved 3-4 year old girl. Mum was in for ultrasound, so I suspect Little Miss Lovely was a product of the baby factory herself. A ying moment. How lovely. Mrs IVF sat there in her own world pumping away on my fingers…. Next we headed in for bloodwork, Mrs IVF almost ran in as if to speed this whole thing up…from another room I head  ” I did a test this morning and it was negative but I was wondering as I am flying out on Thursday if …..” Yang moment… Mrs IVF pops out of bloodwork and I hang out while she does a bit of bladder mgmt (critical for transfer days as many of you know) and Little Miss Lovely pops around the corners with her mum again….. ying… The baby factory is such a lay line of happiness or complete despair… this dichotomy is  everywhere and its done with such calm, no raised voices, a nice waterfall in the foyer. It’s like nothing is going on, a fertile would not see any of this, but to the sub fertile its a world of hopes, amazing results and shattered dreams.

We headed to the 2nd floor where all the serious work happens (downstairs is just offices and ultrasounds, upstairs is all the procedure rooms – yes – inc the porn parlour). We headed into our room and, like the retrieval, I thought this was just a prep zone, where at some point Mrs IVF would be whisked away and at the end of some secret procedure they just fedex her back to me or something (like prior clinics), but I soon found out everything is done in the one room.

1st we had the acupuncture guru appear. It wasnt the oracle, it was her little sister but she still had cool oracle lines like …”let me just tweak these pressure points to ensure the chi / she / cheese keeps flowing”. Very oracle-ish. So we did around 25 mins of pre game acupuncture with some lovely soothing music. A picture of calm from all angles.(Note – “we” means I sat there invisibly in the corner, while Mrs IVF was looked after).

 Next, the elf (nurse) appears and give us the game play for the day, what we need to do and not do later, and drops Mrs IVF a Valium. Mrs IVF turns to me and says “I think these pills don’t really affect someone like me, I am pretty chilled anyway, they would really have an impact on a guys like you who bounce off the walls”…..her increasingly glossy (but still gorgeous) eyes were telling me a slightly different story, dear reader.

Next up was the sonographer (or ultrasound elf in Mr IVF speak). Lovely no nonsence woman who checked out the bladder situation. We were overfull so we can “empty a cupload”. Mrs IVF, anxious about only doing a “half wee”, but keen to avoid the bed pan later, went for the half wee option and came back beaming with the new bladder control half wee skill she never knew she had and reckons I should give it a go. Hey – party time in our hotel room tonight!!! Woo Hoo!

Then things get towards the main event. Time for the wizards to drop in. These folks are the behind the scenes magicians you really don’t see that much of.  They have amazing jobs. They make children for a living. There are 2 things they measure when you wake the kids up from the icebox:  hurdle 1: how many cells survived (hello !?!?- no one told me they die off a bit?). They want anything above a 75% survival. We scored a 95% and 98%! Nice work team. hurdle 2: are the kids stagnant, growing nicely, going off like Tiger woods at the match.com christmas party? we got 2 “growing nicelys”, which they said is excellent. Mrs IVF was silent, but you could see the relief. The parachute opened.

The wizard and baby maker (Dr) decided to defrost the 4AA and a 5AB (Here’s a post explaining how blast grading works: https://misterivf.wordpress.com/2009/09/15/final-biopsy-results/)

From checking with Mrs IVF speadsheet here is the gradings of the 6 that passed mircoarray:

5AB, 4AA, 6BA, 3 with a 4BB

So I was surprised they didn’t go with the 6BA so I checked with the wizard. She says they choose the 1st letter (the quality of what will be the embryo) as the top grading criteria. So the 5AB and 4AA got the nod. Mrs IVF was back on her game now. “Oh, so thats embryo #13 and #15, got it”… “wow”, says the wizard “thats right”. Mrs IVF appears to have memorised the ordering of the kids from her embryo spreadsheet. Bless her. I hope we find better names for them one day, (“#13 clean your room!!!” doesnt really work well and the playground bullies will have a field day). From checking back over the spreadsheet Mr / Ms 5AB was also the 12 cell monster we had at day three (when we should be around 8 cells)….. well enough, can you disect this any further, I think not?

A bit after 11.15 then whole gang is in the room, we have the ultrasound elf, the baby maker himself, the elf,  the radient (yet a tad glossy) Mrs IVF, the non joke cracking Mr IVF in the corner amazed by all of this and the wizards has returned with the most impressive machine I have ever seen. This thing – the baby transporter – is a full on incubator (complete with these gloved hand holes like you see on the Simpsons in the radioactive part of the nuclear reactor). On the side are two unmarked canister of something, probbaly oxygen and something else that is cooler like “baby grow juice”. There is a big monitor on top and all sorts of big words on it that I can’t remember but probably said something like  “BABY MAKER – STAND CLEAR AT ALL TIMES. NO STANDING”. In the middle of this contraption is a huge microscope that has a gentle soothing beam of like from it shining down on a small dish. Its by far the brightest light in the room, which is quite fitting. Its like looking at one of those si fi movies where if you can take the petri disc out of the light, then you will cause a thermonuclear reaction across the whole death star and take out Lord Vader and the rest of the dark side. If only we can get that one good shot at the energy core… stay on target… stay on target…..

Anyway – Mrs IVF was whisked into position and we went through the whole “say your name” bit, which was good. Not only did they have the right Mrs IVF, but they had the right Mr IVF as well – but not sure why I go so many strange looks for saying my name (no – I didn’t do it, this is not the place for humor / humour folks).

Soon the wizard had a needle the size of your forearm (in length not width!!) and with the steadiest hand I have ever seen, passed it to the baby maker who did his injection in seconds and the whole deal was done while we all stare at a TV screen that looked like a whole lot of static to an untrained eye (that would be my eye and not his thank hevens!). Gloves off, legs down, head tilted downhill, best wishes to you both, and Mrs IVF is officially up the duff.

The elf checked in to see if the bed pan was required (which it wasn’t) so  we got the oracles prodigy back again for another session of chi / she / cheese with the needles Mrs IVF drifted off for a snooze with another round of calming mongolian throat gurgling from the CD player.

After an hr of rest, Mrs IVF was wheel chaired to the car where, in recliner mode, I drove like my grandpa’s grapdapa back to our hotel 5 mins away and this is where Mrs IVF has been bed based ever since. She will stay there until Wednesday.

As the ultrasound elf said, maybe this bed rest is “voodoo” but hey, can it hurt? “No” says Mrs IVF, remembering how nice it is to be looked after.

So there it is folks. 2 in and all went as well as we can expect. Preggo test next Wednesday. 30th Dec.

I called family tonight giving them updates. My darling, but somewhat blunt, sister  summed up the ying and yang in my head today with one of her trademark oneliners: “Look, I am sick of the crap going on in this world. I have friends with crap marriages and nightmare lives,  for me work sucks, and things are tough and well, there is just a lot of shit going on, so you know what, we need more good in this world so you need kids, thats how we fix this world, lets get more good in it. Time to start a new decade and write this one off, and thats how we’re going to fix the bad, inject more good, you need kids.” With that, she hung up and I thought, “I could live with that.”

Heading for the rickety bridge

Don’t fear, I am over the jet lag and crazy “world free of IVF” posts and am back to normal, alas my dry-old-jealous of-fertile-people self.

Apologies for the long delay between posts – I know the 5 of you who follow me must be beside yourself looking for an update- but the Hoboken Hilton (i.e. Mr and Mrs IVF base camp) has been rammed with guests from Australia. Damn that useless weak American dollar.

Actually seeing fam and friends is good we just need a break between them.. .our mate Nate, then dad, then my aunt and a mate of hers, a week or so “free” with Mission Denver and then mum meets up with us for Christmas. So today is the first gap in a while with my aunt, (or to pronounce that in American: “ant”) ,out of town for the weekend, Mr IVF is back (briefly).

The lovely Mrs IVF, the ever positive Mango Princess of my life, is storming through our baby quest challenge with her consistent resolve to land this kid thing once and for all, and what a few weeks its been. She has been avoiding chocolate as we did a food tours Greenwich Village with guests (cruel, very cruel on her), she avoided aussie chocolate and wine (and aussie chocolate is awesome) that our guests bring (time and time again) she has been shooting Lupron up in toilets as we have been out for dinner, (always at 9.30 – must keep to the clock!), sneaking into our bedroom to do likewise while I chortle with the guests over a bit of Karmel Sutra Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in the lounge….It has been tricky. But she remains laser focused and generally unfazed. Amazing. I would be a loon by now.

She is also on such a busy timeline of drugs, patches and “thing you put in your bits” (and I am not talking ice cream here people) that air traffic control at JFK would be easier to keep an eye on that this.  Checking over her mind boggling calendar, she has had to do 105 things to herself since oct 22nd – 43 days. So at least 2 things a day. She has been on birth control pills, Vivelle (which soulds like a type of ice cream… what is it with the ice cream theme tonight?), patches for estrogen (ranging from 1 every 2 days to now 4 every 2 days.. and she is running of out space where she hasnt slapped one on), Asprin (why not), Viagra “bullets”, and of course you need a needle of something, so why not our old mate Lupron. Today was a 4 patch switch over day, an AM asprin, an 8am, 1pm, 6pm and the pending 11pm viagra and of course 5ml of lupron to wrap things up. I thought she would be all chilled and bored with this but the viagra suppositories are like a magic trick to her, they are solid when they go in, but she never ceases to be amazed that they just keep dissapearing. Enough, this is starting to freak me out.

Clearly Mr IVF is not playing any Barry Manalow CD’s around the master bedroom these days, in fact I am on a 9 month ban. (yes months and yes, 9.)

I think Mrs IVF’s drug day peaks around Thursday next week so try this for a hobby… Vivelle patch refresh (quantity yet to be determined) in the morning, followed by asprin, will take some blood, endometrin (progesterone) in the AM sometime, Tetracycline at 8am (fck knows what this is – wikipedia says it treats acne, which Mrs IVF doesnt have), Endometrin at noon, tetra again at 1pm, then 6pm then some medrol  (wiki: supression on inflamation?) in the evening and then 1 more tetracycline at bed time. Why not. When does she get time to do any work I ask you, dear reader.

Anyway – we are ramping up again and heading for the bridge of hope. It’s safe here in IVF land. You know your current kid free life sucks, but it is sort of pain free (well as pain free as it ever has been) but you are not going out looking to have your heart ripped out.  As we walk on the rickety old bridge across “heartbreak canyon” next week in our quest to get to parentville, we will be putting ourselves back out there for the risk of emotional catastrophy. It’s safe here, we wont have kids where we sit today (well not more that 5 day old icicles which is a bit useless really, you would like a bit more interaction from your kids than that) so we need to do the bridge. While our friends around us fly over this canyon in no time on their freshly build, 100% sturdy concrete 4 lane freeways, we take the tricky, painful slow walk across the shaky bridge further down the valley from them. They cant see out bridge from their position as they blindly cruse up to parentville like it buying a coffee from starbucks and of course they would never take our path, who would, but we cant take theirs, so we have no other option. Wish us well for our emotional journey, we are off to try again after falling into the canyon 4 times and climbing back up the cliffs to the bizarre but unfulfilling “home” of IVF land. What a shitty outcrop in life to live, so its time to head to the mountains to see if we can grow our gourmet, hand made in the mountains, kiddies into real little princesses and nut bags.

We fly out of Gotham City Sat 12th. Trf is 14th. Mrs IVF is doing the limbo for 3 days then we are heading to Park City Utah (over 2 days) where Mr IVF is planning to lose the battery on his blackberry as he skis and Mrs IVF will lay low and take it easy and have her 1st holiday for the year. 23rd December is preggo test day… the day we fall in the canyon (again) or the day we know we have a decent chance of getting to the other side for once. Here we go, wish us luck.

Dear blogroll and crew – will catchup on your posts in the coming days. Hard to read about IVF with the guests  – dont want to give away our secret life now do we. Considering we have nothing but water & juice in the house , Mrs IVF, a well known sweet tooth, on no chocolate and neither of us on booze I am sure our guests think that a couple of late 30’s arent sending out “we cant have kids” signs anyway.

Chow for now

Mr IVF

Got my head around this a bit better

I think a good nights sleep helps. I am sure I had some outlandish dreams last night, (who knows what goes on in that head of mind when I am not awake to keep an eye on it) but woke up this am, thought about the situation, pinged Mrs IVF when I got to work and declared that, you know what, we are very lucky to be where we are and apologised for coming to the party a day late.

Jen – you bet one more step. Thanks for standing in and being chipper while I was off making up disaster scenarios in my head. Much appreciated.

Murgdan – yeah it does seem fast, but the stress in your head over that time does weigh on you (like crap golf scores on Monday… well that’s my excuse)

Pie – you win the word of the day with “destruction”. That nails exactly the fear I think I was trying to get my head around last night. Some form of pure destruction that I have no idea how we will come back from.

Well – who knows, but today the sun came back out in  Mr IVF’s head, (people who speak in the 3rd person generally freak me out by the way) … so life goes on and we’ll take it as it comes.

Murg ..(oh – Australian men have a habit of shortening names – it’s a sign of respect and friendship, so all is good), in answer to your question: Next steps:

– supreme lining building post Mrs IVF’s next period

– decision on 1 or 2 to transfer (ah, that reminds me to cancel my NY Times subscription – thanks)

– transfer booked in at the baby factory on 12/14

– pregnancy test on 12/23 and backup on 12/25 (ho ho ho, or no no no?)

One last thing. I ran a decision tree / stats model last night (ok yes – bloke blogs on IVF are different aren’t they!) and if my calcs are right (which  I doubt) from what the baby factory told me,  (i.e. we have a 73% success rate per cycle of going full term if two kidsicles are transferred) then with the 6 kidsicles we have (and assuming we lose none in the thaw) we have a 98.8% of one of these six kids turning into a fully grown wiggles watching nugget. Now that kind of blew my mind, and made me check the math over and over. Theoretical stats are one thing, Mother nature and her bricks are another and we have had some sort of netflix type subscription with her of late.

One very last thing: I realise there are lots of folks out there having a harder day than us at the moment, but I guess in the past, Mrs IVF and I have had hard days as well. I hope nothing in here comes across as gloating. I think that is why sometimes I feel bad being positive. I mean nothing at all in a gloat way, its more just relief and maybe a bit of hope for some of you, as it is hope for us. If we can get this far after 2-3 years and our 5th cycle I hope we can keep going to show others that this can work.

The result – day 27

The only thing behind door 2, ladies and gents,  is another ride on a roller coaster, maybe next time we’ll get the car, but the dice didn’t roll our way this time.
 
We stared bleary eyed at a pregnancy test at 5.30am this morning (1st wee of the day is best) wishing for a line. Even a faint one would be a smidge of hope.  After a long lie in we started, half heartedly at some counter theories ..”maybe you missed?”, “well they are only accurate 99% of the time”… who were we kidding?
 
Did the blood work and got the confirmed negative call around 3.30, just after I showed Mrs IVF her “hub adjusted” pregnancy test (I drew a line on in pen as a morale boost)
 
We aren’t done yet, but we are thinking about a different clinic…. we hear good things about a place in Colorado.
 
I can’t believe this is so hard and elusive.

Coming up to a T Junction – Day 26

Well, tomorrow is results day and and I forgot that we come to this juncture every cycle and discuss whether we want to do a pregnancy test in advance or not. Many couples blitz the pregnancy tests non stop through the two week window. We feel that lots of negative tests, hoping for a glimmer or a positive line each day, can cause stress, and we are against anything stress creating so we don’t blitz and decide at the last min of we want to do something. That’s just us I guess.

Cycle 1 we didn’t test, we waited for the call, and then collectively and spontaneously burst into tears when we got the positive result. This has to go down as one of the most memorable phone calls I will ever take. The second cycle we didn’t make it to transfer and the 3rd cycle we self tested and were tortured with what could have been an exceptionally faint line. We stared at that thing for ages waiting for some neon fluorescent line to just blast its way out of the view window, but it never did, so we waited for the video result from a 3rd umpire.

 So the call comes in….

 “So, you got the call?” (me)

“yes” (Mrs IVF)

“so how did we do?”

I didn’t think this was a hard question… a yes or no would nail this. You cant be half pregnant you know. This has to be one of the oldest and well known saying and, well I believed it to be true.

“4”

“hmm, well what the hell does that mean?”

I had forgotten all the measures they use for this end of the game and had no idea if 4 was good or not..

“well its kind of pregnant but a very low score”.

So it looks like you can be half pregnant. Well, there you go.

We jabbed with progesterone away for a few more days but the levels never really rose much. You are supposed to double ever few days and after 2-3 days I think we hit 6, (she should be in hundreds or preferably thousands or well at least double digits!!!). The Dr’s suggested after a few days that we stop the progesterone shots due to the risk of an ectopic, and so we did and well, here we are….

We have decided to test tomorrow before we head out for the blood work for the umpires.

Mentally – things are ok I guess, but I feel more and more we have been starring in some sort of 60’s “creature from the  black lagoon” type horror movie where all the rest of the world decided to have kids why we weren’t looking and we were sentenced to a life of watching them.

We headed upstate for a bit of a night away yesterday. We had dinner at a very popular little restaurant in the middle of a town that has slowly had the life sucked out of it by a strip mall on the edge of town. (As a side note.. a woman rode past me yesterday on a bike as we were looking for somewhere for dinner. She was very friendly and just looking for a chat. I don’t think her driveway fully reached the road, but I mentioned to her we were looking for somewhere to eat. “I need to head home”, she says, “this town isn’t what it used to be, too many stabbings and a few weeks ago a woman back there (points behind her) lost a hand in a machete attack. I’m going home for a long bath, locking my door and not coming back out until the sun comes up. This place is different after dark”. Guess she had no great restaurant tips then and I have a pregnant wife (surely!) in the middle of gangland looking for a good Mexican feed, (thankfully with at least another 2 hrs of sunlight in the day)

Dinner was great in a real homely little place we found which was only slightly annoying from the visual of pregnant mums to be or just running / yelling kids everywhere. Its not a huge nightmare, but its like a fly that hangs around you in summer that nags you a bit that you cant see to escape from.

After dinner we headed to a drive in movie (yes they still exist!)which was great fun, but forgot how much of a great idea it is to take kids to a drive in, so the whole place was a creche. Even at Target today the woman who sold us the pregnancy test looked like she was about to drop a few kids. Mrs IVF thinks its good luck that a pregnant woman was on the checkout – its a positive sign she says. In my mind, that’s the sort of rhubarb I would expect from someone who is pregnant, so fair enough comment I guess.

We dropped into our local Gloria Jeans (for the Australian folk who read this – yes -its made it to New Jersey), for some form of blizzard-ice-age-in-a-cup type beverage and for the 1st time in 3 months we actually talked about results day. We both feel confident, but again, we really have no idea. We thought about the last 26 days and wouldn’t change anything we did, except maybe a bit more fitness and even more trips to the organic store, but really, I don’t think we can do much more. If we get a negative tomorrow, then the money we would have spent on genetic testing / PGD, (but didn’t) will be a silver lining, but if we get a positive, oh geez, who knows how we’ll feel.

Either way, the life freeze of the last month is over and we move on with life one way or another. Its like you have been on a long winding road trip where you have stuck to one route for days, taking in the scenery and the trip grows on you, its your route,  and whatever comes our way you take (including hitting some local wildlife I think on the day of retrieval, that was a tough day). Its like our own route 66 and then out of the  blue we have come up over a ridge hit a T junction. We have to go left or right from here. Do we take the route out of IVF land or drive back to the town center for the next chapter of the movie (which hopefully doesnt star a machete)? We have in a weird way grown attached to the route, we’ve coped with the hills and enjoyed the ride down the other side. Now its time to take a new path.

Its rare you get such decisive days in your life. Tomorrow night will be different than today, and that’s weird to know that its coming, so fot hose of you who have been in the car along this route and read some past posts..

*  after driving around the supermarket do we finally get a parking spot?

* do we ride the wave to shore, or are we going to get dumped into another sand bar?

* do we beat tribal council on survivor island?

* is there a car behind door 2 on the great IVF game show of life? and,

* do we FINALLY get off this roller coaster?

Needing fewer needles – day 22

Life ticks on in IVF land with significantly less action that previous weeks. In the two week wait period there is little procedure wise to do so we hang around, take it easy, cancel the sky diving, bungee jumping and break dancing classes and really just hope the kiddies settle in for a nice long 9 months growth spurt.

One thing that does continue though is the needles and for the legend recipient it’s really getting tiring. Our star pin cushion has to be well over 300 approaching 400 hundred needles by now (including acupuncture.) On one front, the number of injections has dropped back significantly from 2-3 a day + blood work needles from the clinic butcher + “nail gun” acupuncture twice a week to only acupuncture once this week and one needles a day. Sounds almost pleasant, but the daily needle is a dog. Its for progesterone. Its a drug Mrs P. Cushion  takes to tell her body not to hold a “fire sale, prices slashed all stock must go” sale in the ute (i.e. get a period). Its oil based, intra muscular and in the rump, and I have no idea what the oil  does apart from make it painful to inject (for her that is, it doesn’t hurt me as the injectee, but thanks for the thought). It doesn’t easily dissipate around the tush so we play “wack a mole” poking away each night trying to find a zone we can get another needled in that doesn’t hurt.

 poke

“does that hurt?”

“not sure, poke harder”

POKE

“OWWWWW!, don’t poke there”

poke

“does that hurt?”

“not sure…..”

 

 To alleviate the pain our victim also spend around 30 mins on a mini electric blanket before and after the shot to minimise the pain. Early in the cycle these shots aren’t too bad, but now a few weeks later they are getting more annoying, tiring, wearing out our lovely contestant and really killing the 24/7 party spirit we have here in IVFville.

When the star of our IVF show is confirmed pregnant on Monday we have another 5 weeks of this until she pretty much reaches late stage 1st trimester and her body has kicked in and she doesn’t need to do it anymore. File this under “small price to pay for the result”. Her words not mine. When we (ok “she”, but I did drive her around and stuff in my support role) were pregnant in cycle 1 the last day of progesterone shots (7 weeks in – so 50 shots) was the day she found she miscarried. Isn’t that just super.

Beyond the shots, life is pretty low key. Mrs Cushion returned to work this week after her 3 day of lounge / bed rest. She managed to devour around 700 books in 3 days (she must skip pages I think) but I think returning to work is good as (a) being up and about helps he progesterone dissipate a bit and (b) it pays the bills. Mood wise, everyone is pretty chilled, happy to have made the two week window, anxious about leaving it, expectations are flat, life goes on, e.g. our brand new aircon system never worked, so Tim the toolman  is up on the roof now welding away. Wouldn’t it be great if having kids was like replacing a busted aircon unit…

“hello mate, our reproductive system is broken do you think you can pop around sometime and have a look at it”

“Sure” says Mr Repairman” looks like you need a new unit, this one is a bit old and the compressor has just had it. I can try and refurb it, but replacing the unit is probably better for the long term. The freon isnt swimming well, so let me boost that as well. I’ll get some guys around and we’ll switch it out in a day”

“fair call, lets go for the switch”

15 mins with a welding gun tonight and we are good as gold on the aircon front. 1.3million minutes later (roughly) and we’re still waiting on jnr to appear.  Switch aircon guy for stork and we are sorted.

Everyone is on mandatory fingers crossed mode from now until further notice. The kids should have bedded in on Monday this week, so its just grow, grow grow from here