Chi and crackers at the baby factory

Hi ICLW’ers. Welcome to the twisted humor / humour of a rare male blogger who does his best to support  Mrs IVF through our 5th IVF cycle (with no luck to date, but we transferred today, so we’ll see). The “about” explains where we came from. I write too much and spell badly, but my heart is in the right place I guess.


Ever been at a turning point in life where something suddenly strikes you that going forward every day will be different? Maybe it’s the last day at school, or a day you move away from home, or if like Mrs IVF and I you are moving countries and you know things will be different, (or the day Mrs IVF and I went out our 1st date – after that I knew I found someone I wanted to marry and commit to a period of IVF hell, arent I nice?) Anyway, this feeling is like life dragging you somewhere else and “here” isn’t where you will be any more. Today it struck me that maybe, just maybe, life might take us somewhere else, away from IVF. Maybe we can cross this bridge. Maybe.

Today was transfer day, and what a coin toss of a day all day. On the surface things went very well, but there is ying and yang all around you. Maybe I was just sensitive to it today. I drove like a grandpa down to the baby clinic this am and Mrs IVF sat there surprisingly quietly, just squeezing three of my fingers over and again. Then she would squeeze them like she was trying to strangle them, then stop, the repeat the whole thing. She barely remembers it. Poor thing. She was stressed. 2 hrs before the baby wizards (embryologist) called and wanted to know how many they wanted to pull out of the esky / chilly bin / ice box / freezer. We went with 2, as pretty widely broadcasted by now. Mrs IVF was worried about their health. I, on the other hand, was completely chilled, there was nothing else to do. At the risk of clogging this blog with yet another analogy, if we were sky diving today, we have left the plane, we were free falling. We have done everything we can think of to make this right. Mrs IVF has done every drug, patch, insert, jab on time, we have been off booze, caffeine etc for so long it doesn’t even register anymore. Nothing more to do, enjoy the view as you plummet towards earth before the parachute opens. Mrs IVF was worrying that the chute wouldn’t open, I was talking in the view for once.

As we waited in the foyer of the baby factory, a couple came in and wanted their medical records on the spot, “sorry sir, 3 weeks”, “can’t I just xerox now…”, in my mind, people don’t move records fast unless not happy with something. A yang moment. Next min a woman arrived with the cutest, well behaved 3-4 year old girl. Mum was in for ultrasound, so I suspect Little Miss Lovely was a product of the baby factory herself. A ying moment. How lovely. Mrs IVF sat there in her own world pumping away on my fingers…. Next we headed in for bloodwork, Mrs IVF almost ran in as if to speed this whole thing up…from another room I head  ” I did a test this morning and it was negative but I was wondering as I am flying out on Thursday if …..” Yang moment… Mrs IVF pops out of bloodwork and I hang out while she does a bit of bladder mgmt (critical for transfer days as many of you know) and Little Miss Lovely pops around the corners with her mum again….. ying… The baby factory is such a lay line of happiness or complete despair… this dichotomy is  everywhere and its done with such calm, no raised voices, a nice waterfall in the foyer. It’s like nothing is going on, a fertile would not see any of this, but to the sub fertile its a world of hopes, amazing results and shattered dreams.

We headed to the 2nd floor where all the serious work happens (downstairs is just offices and ultrasounds, upstairs is all the procedure rooms – yes – inc the porn parlour). We headed into our room and, like the retrieval, I thought this was just a prep zone, where at some point Mrs IVF would be whisked away and at the end of some secret procedure they just fedex her back to me or something (like prior clinics), but I soon found out everything is done in the one room.

1st we had the acupuncture guru appear. It wasnt the oracle, it was her little sister but she still had cool oracle lines like …”let me just tweak these pressure points to ensure the chi / she / cheese keeps flowing”. Very oracle-ish. So we did around 25 mins of pre game acupuncture with some lovely soothing music. A picture of calm from all angles.(Note – “we” means I sat there invisibly in the corner, while Mrs IVF was looked after).

 Next, the elf (nurse) appears and give us the game play for the day, what we need to do and not do later, and drops Mrs IVF a Valium. Mrs IVF turns to me and says “I think these pills don’t really affect someone like me, I am pretty chilled anyway, they would really have an impact on a guys like you who bounce off the walls”…..her increasingly glossy (but still gorgeous) eyes were telling me a slightly different story, dear reader.

Next up was the sonographer (or ultrasound elf in Mr IVF speak). Lovely no nonsence woman who checked out the bladder situation. We were overfull so we can “empty a cupload”. Mrs IVF, anxious about only doing a “half wee”, but keen to avoid the bed pan later, went for the half wee option and came back beaming with the new bladder control half wee skill she never knew she had and reckons I should give it a go. Hey – party time in our hotel room tonight!!! Woo Hoo!

Then things get towards the main event. Time for the wizards to drop in. These folks are the behind the scenes magicians you really don’t see that much of.  They have amazing jobs. They make children for a living. There are 2 things they measure when you wake the kids up from the icebox:  hurdle 1: how many cells survived (hello !?!?- no one told me they die off a bit?). They want anything above a 75% survival. We scored a 95% and 98%! Nice work team. hurdle 2: are the kids stagnant, growing nicely, going off like Tiger woods at the christmas party? we got 2 “growing nicelys”, which they said is excellent. Mrs IVF was silent, but you could see the relief. The parachute opened.

The wizard and baby maker (Dr) decided to defrost the 4AA and a 5AB (Here’s a post explaining how blast grading works:

From checking with Mrs IVF speadsheet here is the gradings of the 6 that passed mircoarray:

5AB, 4AA, 6BA, 3 with a 4BB

So I was surprised they didn’t go with the 6BA so I checked with the wizard. She says they choose the 1st letter (the quality of what will be the embryo) as the top grading criteria. So the 5AB and 4AA got the nod. Mrs IVF was back on her game now. “Oh, so thats embryo #13 and #15, got it”… “wow”, says the wizard “thats right”. Mrs IVF appears to have memorised the ordering of the kids from her embryo spreadsheet. Bless her. I hope we find better names for them one day, (“#13 clean your room!!!” doesnt really work well and the playground bullies will have a field day). From checking back over the spreadsheet Mr / Ms 5AB was also the 12 cell monster we had at day three (when we should be around 8 cells)….. well enough, can you disect this any further, I think not?

A bit after 11.15 then whole gang is in the room, we have the ultrasound elf, the baby maker himself, the elf,  the radient (yet a tad glossy) Mrs IVF, the non joke cracking Mr IVF in the corner amazed by all of this and the wizards has returned with the most impressive machine I have ever seen. This thing – the baby transporter – is a full on incubator (complete with these gloved hand holes like you see on the Simpsons in the radioactive part of the nuclear reactor). On the side are two unmarked canister of something, probbaly oxygen and something else that is cooler like “baby grow juice”. There is a big monitor on top and all sorts of big words on it that I can’t remember but probably said something like  “BABY MAKER – STAND CLEAR AT ALL TIMES. NO STANDING”. In the middle of this contraption is a huge microscope that has a gentle soothing beam of like from it shining down on a small dish. Its by far the brightest light in the room, which is quite fitting. Its like looking at one of those si fi movies where if you can take the petri disc out of the light, then you will cause a thermonuclear reaction across the whole death star and take out Lord Vader and the rest of the dark side. If only we can get that one good shot at the energy core… stay on target… stay on target…..

Anyway – Mrs IVF was whisked into position and we went through the whole “say your name” bit, which was good. Not only did they have the right Mrs IVF, but they had the right Mr IVF as well – but not sure why I go so many strange looks for saying my name (no – I didn’t do it, this is not the place for humor / humour folks).

Soon the wizard had a needle the size of your forearm (in length not width!!) and with the steadiest hand I have ever seen, passed it to the baby maker who did his injection in seconds and the whole deal was done while we all stare at a TV screen that looked like a whole lot of static to an untrained eye (that would be my eye and not his thank hevens!). Gloves off, legs down, head tilted downhill, best wishes to you both, and Mrs IVF is officially up the duff.

The elf checked in to see if the bed pan was required (which it wasn’t) so  we got the oracles prodigy back again for another session of chi / she / cheese with the needles Mrs IVF drifted off for a snooze with another round of calming mongolian throat gurgling from the CD player.

After an hr of rest, Mrs IVF was wheel chaired to the car where, in recliner mode, I drove like my grandpa’s grapdapa back to our hotel 5 mins away and this is where Mrs IVF has been bed based ever since. She will stay there until Wednesday.

As the ultrasound elf said, maybe this bed rest is “voodoo” but hey, can it hurt? “No” says Mrs IVF, remembering how nice it is to be looked after.

So there it is folks. 2 in and all went as well as we can expect. Preggo test next Wednesday. 30th Dec.

I called family tonight giving them updates. My darling, but somewhat blunt, sister  summed up the ying and yang in my head today with one of her trademark oneliners: “Look, I am sick of the crap going on in this world. I have friends with crap marriages and nightmare lives,  for me work sucks, and things are tough and well, there is just a lot of shit going on, so you know what, we need more good in this world so you need kids, thats how we fix this world, lets get more good in it. Time to start a new decade and write this one off, and thats how we’re going to fix the bad, inject more good, you need kids.” With that, she hung up and I thought, “I could live with that.”


Lining up the lining

What a weird day

So we went for the scan. Mrs IVF, the coolest IVF customer ever, self-declared her stress level in the car on the way down was 1 (10 being highest). “Guess I need a bit of stress” she says. Getting out of the car, for once we thought that by the time we got back into the vehicle, we wold know where we stood. Finally a quick decision in IVF land.

We went in for the scan and I am sure this is not done deliberately but the TV hanging from the ceiling has readings in about font pitch 2. So we couldn’t see a thing. The mango princess was all over it. “What’s the reading?” she blurts, with stress probably raising to a 1.5 level. “7MM” says the nurse. She twists and turns that dildo cam thing and even publicly declares “I am trying to measure the biggest bit” but 7MM it will be after 2-3 attempts. The heart is back in the mouth. We need to go to the video judge.

Next test: ute blood flow. On the 1 day workup it was found that the blood flow to Mrs IVF’s ute was too high / intense (previously never diagnosed). She was topping 5.6 or so (they want under 3) so she has been off to the oracle (both here and in NJ) to try electro acupuncture to get that puppy sorted. Today – around 2.5 – both side. So result!

Next test: blood. The estrogen readings recently had been ok but not great. 419 two weeks ago and then 413 last week, (so good but not great)Today she was 1,100, which our chief elf commented when she called later was an excellent result.

So, we hung around for a bit, see if there was any kids we could hug for a while (not likely at the waiting room at CCRM, although you do see them occasionally), Mrs IVF got a swine flu shot and then we headed back to the car, none the wiser on what happens next.

With nothing better to do than wait (again), we headed down to the post office, (we needed to post some Christmas cards). We had used some cards we had bought before we moved to the US and I  bought some new ones in London recently that were really nice so we just wanted some stamps for these. Christmas card sending “went IVF” on us.  i.e Something you thought would be quick and painless and a tick on this list (aka reproductive sex) actually turned into a dragged out nightmare. Some cards (and I am talking something like 4″ square) were deemend “parcels” due to their size. Ok – charge me an extra 10 cents, but as they were going international, they needed a customs declaration. So thats something new for the folks back home  – customs declaration on the chrissy cards. Other cards were “too small to post” so we had to put those in festive season (not) post office envelopes and then readdress everything. So all our friends will now think we are freaks, well, probably just confirmed it. Through all this,  my fertile buddy, (who just announced their second pregnancy) pops into my head. I think how he just got a root (note: Mrs IVF thinks that “root” wont be well known so I will eaborate ” he had sexual intercourse”) and is now lapping me with his second kid, while we are somewhere in Denver, worried about uterus lining and writing customs declaration on christmas cards and just briefly I paused and thought “what the fuck is going on with my life? How did we get here again?”

Lunch, and its quick rice bowl from a local chinese place. With Mrs IVF knocking off all my broccoli (go lining go!) and we sat there reviewing the lining options. Green light and we are on: Yay! But 7MM isn’t great so do we want to “invest 2 embryos?” if it’s a borderline scenario.. Red light we stop. Really annoyed at the waste of time again, but we go skiing and we basically soak Mrs IVF in a estrogen bath from day one next month and hope it improves (it cant get worse right?). We came away thinking that to be honest, either decision could sit ok with us. 

We wrap up the meal, get the bill, and a fortune cookie arrives. Oh, this could be interesting.  Mrs IVF’s read “next year buy your christmas card in the US, ok?” and mine was slightly less clear …”There will be many surprises: unexpected gains are likely”. This is now being carried around in my wallet. Did I mention that this was turning out to be a weird day?

We needed a dose of ying and a chance to hang out with kids and “pick up the vibe” so we headed to the zoo. Fun afternoon. We got close to kids without looking like freaks, but to be honest, Mrs IVF loves her animals so it was certainly good ying…. but the call, where was the call….

So we are hanging out with the elephants and the calls come…. and here we go again…. “oh, hi.,… yes…” time just stops  again for us” so, we are on then, excellent news” says Mrs IVF learning that verbalization of such things is very useful to the wingman. A huge smile appears on my beautiful wifes face and you know what, it was hugely infectious. We are on to the IVF superbowl!!! We made the final round. Mr / Mrs IVF vs mother nature and her bricks. Game on. Bloodwork thursday, transfer set for Monday. Preggo test 30th Dec. Lets finish this year on a high note.

We switch drugs now. Tonight was the last lupron, Mrs IVF keeps on the Estrogen patches, estrace up the wazoo and she starts the progesterone (wazoo), tetracycline and medrol  tomorrow.

Thanks for your thoughts and responses I am sure that counted for a mm or 2.

Enter the IVF chef!

So I got looking for good lining food. There is a website for everything, and of course, I found one on “increase uterine lining with estrogen type foods”. See below

So while Mrs IVF was out doing her acupuncture last night I went and hit the organic store with the article above looking to cook up a storm. My initial thought was to do a stir fry as I thought I could use some soy sauce to help the case (soy is good!), but as I read beyond the pure ingredients I saw the following comment:

There are many ways to prepare and implement these foods in your diet but if you’re looking for a quick estrogen fix without alot of prep work, try juicing. I find that juicing is such a fast easy way to get quick results because the raw juice reaches the cellular level within 15 minutes and if you’re working against that age related infertility clock, every minute counts right?”

Right !!!! Well, This just pumped me right up! Working against that damn clock! We needed to hurry. We arent talking years here people, we are talking a week+ to transfer and merely days to our next scan! I almost ran straight out of the shop then and there!

However, I had 2 other problems to contend with first. (1) I had a basket full of things for a stir fry, not a smoothie and (2) I am known for not following recipes. Pie – I am no cook to your standard, but I hold my own, my problem is if I dont have or dont know of an ingredient I substitute, generally successfully, but not always. Mr IVF cooking is a bit like Wheel of Fortune – sometimes top dollar and sometimes banktrupt. Mrs IVF is a stickler for recipes and really struggles with my approach, so we have a truce around this where she doesnt ask and I dont tell. I cook with lots of secret ingredients, she generally likes what I eat, and the world keep spinning.

So, you probably guessed where this is going, but with that damn clock rining in my ears, I needed to work with utmost haste.  An inappropriate basket of food and a general lack of control when it comes to cooking wasnt going to get in my way, so I pushed on pretty much grabbing anything I could juice and headed for the checkout and dropped $40 on what would turn out to be probably the most expensive drink of my life.

So, ladies and gentlemen, of the readership world, I proudly introduce to you, from the kitchens of Hoboken, NJ, USA,  the “you beaut ute boost”.. (“you bute” is an aussie term for “great; wow!;  isn’t that just something!!” – for example lets say you were at the races and your horse came in 1st, it wouldnt be uncommon for someone in Australian, who maybe isnt very posh to yelp out “YOU LITTLE BEAUTY”… which in non Aussie would be “oh wow, I think I won, isn’t that just something then hey?”

The recipe is as follows:

a large head of broccoli, a slab of cauliflower, a whole plastic container of mung bean sprouts (boy, they make a mess but juice well!), a hand full of baby carrots (add more if you like carrot – quite strong when juiced), 3-4 mushrooms (they dont juice very well but add a bit of brown to the mix, which i think is key), a whole tub of brussel sprouts, a squash, 4 red delicious apples, 3 pears, an inch of ginger and a few spring of thyme for a bit of randomness.

The result? “tasty, gingery and well, good” were the 1st words from Mrs IVF. I did taste test it first to ensure I didnt kill her, and must admit it wasn’t bad, even if it did have a bit of a pond scum look about it.

I made up so much I ran out of containers and ended up using mixing bowls.

So there we have it. Poor old Mrs IVF is drinking pond scum for lunch and dinner and says she still likes it with  smile, so it cant be that bad. If we cancel this cycle I can’t come away feeling we haven’t trie our hardest to get that 1.6MM!!!

Huntin’ season

So we tripped, staggered but havent fallen…. yet

The word from the elf yesterday was they aren’t cancelling the cycle, but they will move the transfer back a week and we go on a rampage to grown that lining. So it’s officially linin’ huntin’ season in our household. Who has good recipes to help grow lining? estrogen burgers anyone?? Any other tips of to do’s or not to do’s? Lets get going here people, we need lining and we need it now, kind donations of lining are greatly appreciated and can be pledged by calling 1-800 GIVIN LINING. We are going for that 1.6MM of luck!

So we still fly out this Saturday we do a scan on Tuesday then another one Thursday then trf  WILL (lets keep positive people) be 21st, we will then head up to Salt Lake City to meet my mum who is flying in from Oz, then back to Gotham on the 28th. 

Question is – fly or drive? Which one is likely to cause less damage to jnr? Any opinions?

So Mrs IVF has officially gone “smurf turf” is the report today from the nether regions (and no, thats not a country with windmills in Europe). She is off the vaigara and onto the estrace which I believe is causing quite a mess. (taking verbal reports here, no need to go for visual proof). Estrogen level last week 419, now 413, need to get this up, its above the line, but we want it to grow.

Reflection moment….so much hassle – can you believe that all this can be done through a 5 min shag? How amazing can the human body be when it works as it should.

Thankyou once again commenters – great to hear from you and for those of you who are new, I will try and catchup on your blogs now that we are guest free. There is some seriously wicked homour (yes – Australians add the “u”‘) out there amongst the despair on your blogs.

Some some specific comments to the commenters:

Cassie – Mr IVF’s are somewhat weird beasts. We all tackle this crap different ways. I am a verbeler, most of us aren’t. More than happy to email / catchup if he is up for it. Mrs IVF appreciates a RLF(real life friend) , LHB (local hoboken buddy), or whatever you call :).. . I am really crap at those TLA (three letter acronyms)

Jen – we are going to trf two if we get that far

All – thanks for the well wishes and comments. All comments are greatly appreciated and vibes happily accepted

Heading for the rickety bridge

Don’t fear, I am over the jet lag and crazy “world free of IVF” posts and am back to normal, alas my dry-old-jealous of-fertile-people self.

Apologies for the long delay between posts – I know the 5 of you who follow me must be beside yourself looking for an update- but the Hoboken Hilton (i.e. Mr and Mrs IVF base camp) has been rammed with guests from Australia. Damn that useless weak American dollar.

Actually seeing fam and friends is good we just need a break between them.. .our mate Nate, then dad, then my aunt and a mate of hers, a week or so “free” with Mission Denver and then mum meets up with us for Christmas. So today is the first gap in a while with my aunt, (or to pronounce that in American: “ant”) ,out of town for the weekend, Mr IVF is back (briefly).

The lovely Mrs IVF, the ever positive Mango Princess of my life, is storming through our baby quest challenge with her consistent resolve to land this kid thing once and for all, and what a few weeks its been. She has been avoiding chocolate as we did a food tours Greenwich Village with guests (cruel, very cruel on her), she avoided aussie chocolate and wine (and aussie chocolate is awesome) that our guests bring (time and time again) she has been shooting Lupron up in toilets as we have been out for dinner, (always at 9.30 – must keep to the clock!), sneaking into our bedroom to do likewise while I chortle with the guests over a bit of Karmel Sutra Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in the lounge….It has been tricky. But she remains laser focused and generally unfazed. Amazing. I would be a loon by now.

She is also on such a busy timeline of drugs, patches and “thing you put in your bits” (and I am not talking ice cream here people) that air traffic control at JFK would be easier to keep an eye on that this.  Checking over her mind boggling calendar, she has had to do 105 things to herself since oct 22nd – 43 days. So at least 2 things a day. She has been on birth control pills, Vivelle (which soulds like a type of ice cream… what is it with the ice cream theme tonight?), patches for estrogen (ranging from 1 every 2 days to now 4 every 2 days.. and she is running of out space where she hasnt slapped one on), Asprin (why not), Viagra “bullets”, and of course you need a needle of something, so why not our old mate Lupron. Today was a 4 patch switch over day, an AM asprin, an 8am, 1pm, 6pm and the pending 11pm viagra and of course 5ml of lupron to wrap things up. I thought she would be all chilled and bored with this but the viagra suppositories are like a magic trick to her, they are solid when they go in, but she never ceases to be amazed that they just keep dissapearing. Enough, this is starting to freak me out.

Clearly Mr IVF is not playing any Barry Manalow CD’s around the master bedroom these days, in fact I am on a 9 month ban. (yes months and yes, 9.)

I think Mrs IVF’s drug day peaks around Thursday next week so try this for a hobby… Vivelle patch refresh (quantity yet to be determined) in the morning, followed by asprin, will take some blood, endometrin (progesterone) in the AM sometime, Tetracycline at 8am (fck knows what this is – wikipedia says it treats acne, which Mrs IVF doesnt have), Endometrin at noon, tetra again at 1pm, then 6pm then some medrol  (wiki: supression on inflamation?) in the evening and then 1 more tetracycline at bed time. Why not. When does she get time to do any work I ask you, dear reader.

Anyway – we are ramping up again and heading for the bridge of hope. It’s safe here in IVF land. You know your current kid free life sucks, but it is sort of pain free (well as pain free as it ever has been) but you are not going out looking to have your heart ripped out.  As we walk on the rickety old bridge across “heartbreak canyon” next week in our quest to get to parentville, we will be putting ourselves back out there for the risk of emotional catastrophy. It’s safe here, we wont have kids where we sit today (well not more that 5 day old icicles which is a bit useless really, you would like a bit more interaction from your kids than that) so we need to do the bridge. While our friends around us fly over this canyon in no time on their freshly build, 100% sturdy concrete 4 lane freeways, we take the tricky, painful slow walk across the shaky bridge further down the valley from them. They cant see out bridge from their position as they blindly cruse up to parentville like it buying a coffee from starbucks and of course they would never take our path, who would, but we cant take theirs, so we have no other option. Wish us well for our emotional journey, we are off to try again after falling into the canyon 4 times and climbing back up the cliffs to the bizarre but unfulfilling “home” of IVF land. What a shitty outcrop in life to live, so its time to head to the mountains to see if we can grow our gourmet, hand made in the mountains, kiddies into real little princesses and nut bags.

We fly out of Gotham City Sat 12th. Trf is 14th. Mrs IVF is doing the limbo for 3 days then we are heading to Park City Utah (over 2 days) where Mr IVF is planning to lose the battery on his blackberry as he skis and Mrs IVF will lay low and take it easy and have her 1st holiday for the year. 23rd December is preggo test day… the day we fall in the canyon (again) or the day we know we have a decent chance of getting to the other side for once. Here we go, wish us luck.

Dear blogroll and crew – will catchup on your posts in the coming days. Hard to read about IVF with the guests  – dont want to give away our secret life now do we. Considering we have nothing but water & juice in the house , Mrs IVF, a well known sweet tooth, on no chocolate and neither of us on booze I am sure our guests think that a couple of late 30’s arent sending out “we cant have kids” signs anyway.

Chow for now


Hanging with fertiles

So the trip to London wraps up today and while worried at first, an intensive weekend hanging out with fertile friends has actually been  a lot of fun. Mrs IVF and I dont have any kids in our circle of friends in NYC, so hitting kidsville in Lon with my best mates has been a shock to the system. I was woken on Saturday morning by young Oscar and Ollie with cards they have had made with all sort of pictures (fireworks and rockets etc) saying “Mr IVF we love you,” Not bad for a 5 and 3 yo.  I also went and hung out with my 7 y.o. god-daughter and her little sister. The god-daughter needs to get her attitude adjusted but her somewhat sneaky little sister was a doll and wanted to know if I was staying or if “I would be gone again in the morning like you normally are”… told her I’d be gone and she said “well you should just come and stay more often. 10 days would be the right amout of time” All very cute and sweet. It really was touching and a complete surprise I didnt wig out.

I also think I have worked out why fertiles struggle to see what we go through. Our struggle is just so 180 degrees from where they are. Their life is saturated with children and completely flat out. I spent the weekend sucked up in the jetstream of what goes on with families with 2 kids between 3 and 8 years old and everyone just collapses once kids have gone to bed. Sure – my mates care and are interested to hear our kiddie struggles and are pretty reasonable support, but they don’t and will never really get it, but they try. But I guess that is like any illness. A really great mate’s wife is dealing with breast cancer. We sent her a box of books and try to ring from time to time but I dont know what she is really going through.

I felt good I can hang with my fertile friends and not feel hugely jealous. I see it more a sign of fate that this is my training lesson, (nothing wrong with some positive thinking!!). Just like when I had to read one of the stories to the girls they picked a book about tadpoles. OMG. I cracked up laughing and I said “nice selection – arent they a great batch of tadpoles.” I was frikkin jealous of sperm on the front cover of a 3yo’s book! Mum and dad didnt get it until I spelt it out of course. If she had a smurf book I probably would have keeled over in hysterics

However, the weekend was not event free.

Flashback…. June 2008 I had my birthday dinner with 3 other couples. We were about to start IVF, one couple announced their pregnancy (which kind of trashed my night, but they weren’t in the inner circle then, so you can’t blame them), another couple, we found out later, were also about to announce their pregnancy, but had the 12 week scan on monday so decided to hold off. The 12 weeks scan 2 days later showed no heartbeat. Ouch and the 4th the couple had no kid story as far as we know. But it was a weird, kid laden dinner when the dust settled and we looked back 4 months later on the whole thing and the MC came out.

I remember being incredibly jealous of these folks who announced their pregnancy. They had been at it for 30 seconds and of course we had 18 months on the clock ahead of them…. I really don’t need to tell this sort of story in detail. We all have “kiddie queue jumper” stories to tell. Anyway, my mate is in the loop now and has asked all the right questions and been quite supportive but can trip up on the insensitivity sometimes. E.g. he really needed to just go out with the lads and get pissed on a weekend a few months ago. Bloke weekend away, go hard! The guy didn’t invite me, but told me all about what they were doing and then repeated it all when he got back. You getting the sensitivity?

Anyway, he called me on Saturday night in London and announced with enormous fanfare ” we are pregnant again”. Smack. Cop that punch. “now we can both be pregnant at the same time!!”  Which, in hindsight is prob about as good as he can say. It acknowledges where we are at with an optimistic spin. But it still hurt. I decided not to ruin Mrs IVF’s night and would break it to her when I got back to NY. 5 mins later I get a txt ” X is pregnant. I can’t fucking believe it”. Fucking Facebook.  Mrs IVF took it hard. We thought we were pretty bullet proof but this one got in under the flak jacket.

So life goes on. We struggle again with what news we can handle from the fertiles but we stay laser focused on the plan. Mrs IVF is doing 5 units of Lupron every night and 1 estrogen patch every 2 days. Electro acupuncture starts on Wednesday with another blood test to boot. If that is good, she goes up to two patches on Friday.

Uncle Sam wants … me

I think we are there on a decision. It’s a bit fo a middle bet. 3 freaks Mrs IVF out way way too much and no idea why we moved off one. So it’s looking like 2. Maybe it was Schoolies comments about 2 vs 3 that kicked us up a notch. We do have an impressive failure track record.

The house is back full of drugs again and Mrs IVF is jabbing away in style with her lupron every night. We know things are going to heat up again when the “ivf calendar” gets refreshed and this one is a picture of beauty. So no stims, therefore fewer needles, but boy, what a busy calendar, I think on a few days she has upto 10 things going on… well more correctly, I should say in. It’s a bit of a suppository super show. Wunderbar, and I believe in full technicolour. I believe blue staining comes into the mix somewhere, so Mrs will be sporting some “smurf turf”, (well thats what my mind has made out of this whole situations. Not to worry… all for the good cause…. I guess, I plan to stay clear unless asked to help ….as always!)

By the way – how did I get here? How did I get to blogging about my wifes bits turning blue? Where was this in the quest to have kids? I swear fertiles have no idea, and half their luck ..

In London this week so Mrs IVF is on a solo shot quest, which is good as the one shot I did give her since we started back on needles bruised her. Nice work meat head.

Dad has gone back to oz. It was fantastic having him over and saying goodbye wasnt easy. Never is. We had an awesome game of golf at bethpage black – home of the 2009 US open last Friday before he left. Wow what a course. It comes with a health warning before you hit off saying this course is reserved for Tiger Woods and anyone better, so you dont go into it thinking you will rip this course to shreds.  As it turned out, I played one of the top 10 games of my life so had a great day and walking up the final hole it dawned on me I havent thought of IVF all day long. Perfect.

So the ute prep continues back home in Jersey, The US govt just issued me with another 1 visa, (which is a relief as it means I can now return to the US!), and life goes on… We head back to the baby factory 12th Dec, transfer is lined up for the 14th assuming all prep goes well and then after a few days R&R we are off to the mountains for a bit of skiing (Mr IVF) and relaxing / growing kiddies (Mrs IVF), before returning to NY 28th Dec. Mum is flying in somewhere in here as well. (Yep – more family).

Lastly, in the US embassy today my interview was with someone who is on her 2nd day on the job, she turned to her boss at some point for some clarification and all I could hear was “oh, this is the type of guy we want”. Wow. The superpower needs me. I hope they arent looking for me as a sperm donor otherwise they will be sorely disappointed. Still, will do what I can for my currently adopted homeland.